


I defy you, Stars

by rockroll123



Series: See You, Stars [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Dojohntae love their brothers so much, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Inspired by Romeo and Juliet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2020-04-23 13:18:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19151812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockroll123/pseuds/rockroll123
Summary: So, consider these as your birthday and congratulation present, your motivation to keep doing what you love, and also my good bye.Thank you for trying to find me, hyung, but it’s not safe for you and I don’t wanna risk it. Seeing you that day let me know that you don’t hate me, because I lived with that thought before. Now, I always pray that when the world is right again, we can finally be with each other. But, really, it's a wishful thinking, let it just stay that way.I still love you, am grateful for you, and will always miss you. I am well, with many good people looking out for me, so please always be happy.Don't ever try to come and find me again.Yours,Donghyuckie





	1. Aurora

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I know it's a bit late (4 months since the first part of the series, it's not a bit late, it's soooooo late) but I just got the time and motivation to really write the main story!
> 
> At first, I wanted this to be 1 chapter only, but I got excited to post this cause I'm really proud of this work and hopefully you all can enjoy it as much as me writing this, and so I decided to just post the first part of the story. I actually have wrote nearly 15k which will cut the first chapter of the story in kinda the perfect cliffhanger but then I didn't want you guys to read too many words in a chapter (some people LIKE ME are too lazy to read a long ass chapter). So I cut the first 10k to post and will add the other 5k so very soon cause it's almost done, or if my excitement doesn't get to me, I can write more before posting it. 
> 
> I already have the storyline because this has been in my mind for sooooooo long. I swear this idea is ancient. I wanted to actually write it for Meanie (Mingyu/Wonwoo of Seventeen), but then I fell in love with NCT a year back and Markhyuck kinda fits the dynamic. By the way, this is my first Boy x Boy fic and I'm not really used to writing it, so those who expect a lot of smut or romantic sexy scenes or something, sorry to disappoint you but I'll be portraying the story more from their emotional side.
> 
> Comment down below to motivate me more!

_Mark was only 5 when he met Donghyuck for the first time._

 

“This is,” his mother nudged him softly on the back, “Seo Donghyuck, Minhyung-ah. He’s a year younger than you. You’re a hyung now.”

Mark looked up at his mother with wonder. In the short years he had lived, he only knew himself as the younger brother of Lee Taeyong, and every time he whined why could not he be a _hyung_ too just like his brother, and his mother would only smile, saying that he would find someone younger than him one day, someone to be taken care of.

“ _Dongsaeng_?” he confirmed innocently.

His mother nodded and gave him a big smile before turning to the other woman and Seo Donghyuck in front of them. “Hyuckie’s mother and I are best friends since our school day, so are your grandfather and his, and also Taeyongie and Hyuck's brothers, Youngho and Dongyoung. And that’s what you will be with him; best friends.”

Mark followed his mother’s eyes to look at the shy boy. His two brothers stood on the sides of his mother while she crouched down behind the youngest in the room, hugging him from the back.

“Hyuck-ah, say hi to Minhyung hyung,” Aunty Dahyun, Donghyuck’s mother, said to Donghyuck and the boy finally looked up to meet Mark’s eyes.

Mark grinned happily. “Donghyuckie, it’s Minhyung hyung.”

“Minhyung hyung,” Donghyuck repeated quietly before breaking into a matching grin with Mark’s.

 

 

 

 

 

_Mark was 7 when he realized he liked holding Donghyuck’s hand._

 

Seo Youngho, Donghyuck’s oldest brother, had to leave for one of the most prestigious boarding schools in London that year, while his second oldest brother, Dongyoung, still had another year before he needed to leave for boarding school as well. Donghyuck might not really understand yet that his guardian angels had to live separately from him for the next 6 years before his own turn to have the same faith as them, but he cried so much when Youngho left, asking why he could not go with him.

Taeyong was close with Youngho, so he was also there when they sent him off. Taeyong himself would start middle school in Tokyo with Mark’s older cousin who was half-Japanese, Yuta, but the distance between Seoul and Tokyo was not as bad as Seoul and London, therefore no drama occurred.

Donghyuck came home crying from the airport and Mark begged his mother to let him stay over with the youngest. His mother let him, seeing that ‘no’ was not acceptable either way.

They both laid on Donghyuck’s bed with the lights turned off, looking up at the ceiling decorated with glow-in-the dark stars that Youngho had personally glued them himself because Donghyuck was jumping excitedly at the thoughts of having the whole universe in his room. The youngest had calmed down significantly the past hour with a promise from Dongyoung that they would call Youngho as soon as he landed for transit, but he still sniffed and occasionally wiped his eyes with his sleeves. Mark did not know how else to stop Donghyuck’s tears, so he grabbed Donghyuck’s hand and squeezed it, waiting for a few moments before he felt a squeeze back.

By the end of the night, they ended up giggling while squeezing each other’s hand, and after one last tight squeeze from Mark, Donghyuck let out a loud laugh, tears forgotten. Mark finally looked at his younger friend and smiled.

“I like holding your hand,” he said happily.

Donghyuck smiled. “I like it too.”

And, Mark promised, to never let go.

 

 

 

 

 

_Mark was 11 when his heart was broken for the first time._

 

“Hey, Mom,” Mark called out and noticed there was a heated argument going on before it died down as he popped his head through the door.

Mark looked at his parents confusedly. His father suddenly turned his back on him, while his mother sat down on the couch with a sigh, looking extremely tired, and Taeyong was sitting on the chair next to the couch with troubled expression. It was one of the regular weekends where Taeyong came home from Tokyo.

“Sorry if I interrupt something,” Mark said politely. He might only be a child, but growing up in a well-educated family, he had to learn basic manner since he was 3. Maybe he matured earlier than kids his age, knowing how to differentiate a normal conversation and an important one. This, he was sure, was an important one. “I was just gonna excuse myself to Donghyuck’s place.”

His family looked alerted at that. The three of them looked at him with wide eyes before his mother stood up, hands fidgeting in nervousness.

“Sweetheart, can we talk for a while?” she said, masking a frustration in her tone, but Mark could read her like an open book.

“Am I in trouble?” was the first thing that crossed his mind.

“No,” she said quickly, walking to where Mark stood up next to the door and hugging her warmly, rubbing his back comfortingly. She then led their way to the couch and sat down together on the same couch with Mark. “There’s something about Donghyuck and his family that we need to talk to you about.”

Mark looked at her in alarmed. “Are they okay?”

His mother looked at his father and Mark turned to him expectantly, only to receive a heavy sigh. He slowly sat down on a similar chair across Taeyong, next to Mark.

“You can’t play with Donghyuck anymore,” his father said looking carefully but firm into Mark’s eyes, before turning to look at Taeyong as if saying that applied to him and Youngho too.

Mark looked at his brother and he noticed Taeyong’s expression hardened like he never saw before. His brother was always kind and gentle, but this time, Mark could not read the emotion behind his face as he nodded firmly at his father.

“Why?” Mark asked, looking at Taeyong who never questioned their father before turning back to see his father, “Why? D-did we do something wrong? Are they okay?”

His father turned his attention back at Mark and for a second Mark saw pity in his eyes. His father was very curt, straightforward and strict. His expression was always neutral that sometimes Mark asked himself about what his father was feeling, was he mad at him, was he disappointed, or was he proud. But, at the same time, he was also kind, never raised his voice at his mother, Taeyong, or him, and deep down, Mark knew his father truly loved him. His mother, on the other hand, was gentle and full of life. She laughed the loudest and cried the hardest. These traits of his parents made him closer to his mother than his father.

“It’s not you,” his father turned to his firm mask again, “there are complicated things going on right now that you won’t understand yet, and eventually, you will have to as you're a part of this family too. From now on, we will cut all communication with the Seos and tomorrow—“ he stopped to look at his mother behind Mark for, what Mark assumed, a little strength, “tomorrow we’re all moving to Vancouver.”

“What—“ Mark wanted to argue but his mother turned his body to face her and from the corner of his eyes, he could see Taeyong looking down to the floor, a posture when he was nervous or feeling dejected, one that would get him a scold from their father and grandfather because _you are the heir of the Lees_.

“Minhyung-ah, look at me,” his mother said gently, and Mark focused his attention back to her, “I know it’s hard, he’s your best friend, but you have to listen to us—“

“No!” Mark pulled away, standing up abruptly.

“Minhyung,” Taeyong hissed and Mark glared at him, eyes showing only betrayal.

“Why aren’t you questioning this, hyung?” he yelled at his brother, “Don’t you hear Dad? You can’t see Youngho hyung anymore!”

Taeyong stared back at Mark without emotion, but his eyes were glistening with tears, like he was telling Mark _I know, I understand, but there’s nothing I can do_.

Mark then understood that this was also one of the many responsibilities Taeyong had to bear as the heir, this meant he was alone on this fight. He turned to his father and muttered the words he never imagined before, no matter how hard his father was, he never wanted to say it until that day.

“I hate you.”

 

 

 

 

 

_Mark was 18 when he had his heart broken for the second time._

 

It was amazing really for Mark to have a big family with one brother and four cousins, there was never a dull moment.

“Jisung! I told you to put the oil first!” Yuta said loudly, and whenever he did, his Japanese accent came out unconsciously. Mark had to pull the speaker away from his dying ear. “I’m not eating that!” the second oldest whined.

“Then why did you ask me to heat it up? You know I can’t cook!” Jisung defended himself somewhere close to Yuta. 

“There’s a microwave for a reason, you know,” Jungwoo chimed in dryly, followed by Jaehyun’s amused chuckle.  _There really was never a dull moment, huh?_

Taeyong sighed like a tired mother. “Tell me again why I put up with your antics?”

“Cause you love us~” Jisung sang, as his voice got further, probably moving away from the loud speaker and around his and Yuta’s apartment.

“Cause you can’t choose your cousins,” Jungwoo added, always with his dry, honest comments.

Mark leaned back against his chair, smiling fondly at his notebook though the expression was for his family, the small group of people in this world that kept him going; Taeyong, Yuta, Jaehyun, Jungwoo, and Jisung. Living far away from each other had somehow brought them closer to each other and if Mark did not have them, he would have definitely gone insane for the past 7 hard years. Random calls, chats, meet-ups, and vacations together; they were all traditions to them. Whenever one was having a hard time, they organized to make at least a phone call together, even if they did not say anything to each other as they were probably falling asleep because of time differences or studying.

Taeyong was almost 16 when the big family incident happened, he tried to reach out to all of their cousins about him and Mark moving to Vancouver in just a night. Funny enough, the news applied for all four of them too. Yuta who was already living in Tokyo at the time was told that he could never come to Korea again, his mother even insisted for him to say he was originally a Japanese ever since. The youngest, Jisung, was separated from his own parents to stay in Japan too with Yuta. Jaehyun moved to Connecticut while Jungwoo was sent to Toronto. None of them was able to put their foot in Seoul ever since, except for the parents and Taeyong who was suddenly arranged to go to Seoul National University after finishing his last two years of high school in Vancouver. All their questions left unanswered and it was frustrating at first, but with time, they slowly accepted it and ignored the pain, _ignored the problem_.

 _“I’m the oldest, Minhyung-ah, this family is my responsibility,”_ Taeyong always said whenever Mark asked him, and Mark tried to understand that, really, it was hard for his brother to juggle between university and being the heir of the Lee Enterprise, but _isn’t it unfair, why is Taeyong the only one allowed to be in Seoul?_

While Taeyong had his life ripped apart for his responsibility as the oldest of the family, Mark’s life was also ripped away from his grasp. Mark could never forget the night his father told them they were moving away and to never contact the Seos anymore. He cried, he tried to call his grandfather to tell him about it but never got an answer. He threw tantrum, which he rarely did, when his stuff was taken away from his room. Taeyong literally had to drag him to their car and hug him throughout the flight to Vancouver. And, not once, his mother or father tried to reach out to him to calm him down. Even a week after they settled in, he still had tears on his eyes, and his parents acted like nothing happened, like they could not see how miserable Mark was while Taeyong clearly tried to be strong for the both of them.

Mark could never forget the last day with Donghyuck, whose name could never be spoken out loud in front of Mark ever since.

Donghyuck and Mark were both living with different spectrums. When Donghyuck was bright and outgoing and always craved for attentions, Mark was more reserved and gentle, always behaving so well compared to the younger, and quiet smiles. They fought a lot of times because of Mark and his stubbornness mixed with Donghyuck and his recklessness. But, the funny thing was they always found their way to each other.

They went to the same school and ended up at each other’s house at least 4 times a week. The day before his sudden move, he was mad at Donghyuck for a silly reason. Donghyuck was whining about going out to the park near Mark’s penthouse when Mark simply wanted to stay in and learn to play guitar. He always knew that Donghyuck liked socializing but he was still selfish at the time when it came to the both of them. So, they fought and Donghyuck asked his driver to take him back home, trying to hold back his tears as he walked out of Mark’s place because of some harsh words Mark could not even remember anymore. The next day when he wanted to make it up to the younger, the news broke his heart.

Mark always thought, if he knew that would be the last time he saw the boy, he would had gone out with him and see his bright smiles while Mark pushed him on the swing he liked so much.

“Mark, you listening?” Jaehyun’s voice brought him back from his memories.

“No, sorry, I’m in the middle of something.”

“Yuta hyung asked if we’re still in for that holiday plan in a few months,” Jaehyun explained.

Mark hummed excitedly. Mark’s graduation and summer holiday were close and he was so ready to drop all his study to spend time with his cousins and brother. “Of course, wouldn’t miss it.”

“Wonderful,” Jaehyun answered again, “we’re all in then. Lucas’s coming?”

“I’m not sure. Is he, Jungwoo hyung?” Mark teased and he heard both Yuta and Jisung cackling.

Jungwoo groaned. “He won’t let me live.”

Lucas was Mark’s first friend in Vancouver, literally the first person who started calling him with his English name, Mark Lee, instead of Lee Minhyung. They still stick together through middle school and high school. Mark just received his acceptance letter from NYU’s Law School while Lucas got into early acceptance program for Columbia University’s Mechanical Engineering since Christmas, and so they both were looking for an apartment, planning to spend another four years together.

Lucas was head over heels for Jungwoo, it was no secret and he wore it proudly on his chest. He kept tagging along on Mark’s family’s trips, getting along so well with all Mark’s cousins and brother, except for Jungwoo himself as Lucas kept bugging the older with his giant crush. Mark knew, though, that Jungwoo enjoyed the company and attention. During the last trip to Italy, Lucas was sick and hospitalized, and Jungwoo would not stop asking about his condition. But, _no_ , Mark would never let Lucas live with the pleasure of knowing his feeling was most probably returned by his older cousin.

“You kept asking about why he wasn’t coming with us on our last trip though?” Taeyong sounded innocent, Mark was not sure it was just an act or was he really not getting the tease.

“I did not!”

“You did~” Yuta sang annoyingly—Mark knew where Jisung learned that trait from.

Mark laughed to stop the fight before it unfolded. “Alright, alright, I’ll ask if he’s coming or not, but I remember he mentioned planning to go back to Hong Kong with his parents to visit some relatives for his graduation celebration.”

“Boohoo, another disappointment for Jungwoo, I guess.”

“Yuta hyung, see me flying to Japan to skin you alive, I won’t hesitate.”

 

Every time they planned to leave for a vacation together, Mark usually would fly to Toronto to meet Jungwoo. Then they both would go to Connecticut for Jaehyun; sometime they would use the time to do a road trip especially now that they had their driving licenses. After their arrival in Connecticut, all three of them would fly to the destination while Taeyong would fly to Osaka and leave together with Yuta and Jisung to meet them there.

So, imagine how surprised Mark was when he saw Taeyong in Jaehyun’s apartment after he and Jungwoo arrived at nearly 3 in the morning.

“Why are you here?” Mark asked when he saw his brother in his cousin’s living room.

Jaehyun came out of the kitchen with a cup of tea in his hand after hearing Mark’s voice. He knew Mark and Jungwoo were coming and was so used to them let themselves in as all of them knew each other’s security code to their places.

Mark threw Jaehyun a questioning look but Jaehyun just shrugged. “He showed up an hour ago, unannounced.” Taeyong looked at Jaehyun, offended by the younger’s last word. “What? It’s true though? I just got off the phone with Yuta hyung and he sounded pissed you change the plan last minute.”

“What’s going on? Is everything okay?” Jungwoo asked, clearly diving into the same boat as Mark; fatigued and very much confused of why Taeyong was there.

Taeyong held his hands up. “I’ll tell you all when Yuta and Jisung arrived tomorrow night.”

Jaehyun sighed heavily. Everyone in the room knew that Taeyong liked being organized, so when he did something out of the plan, it had something to do with their family’s issue for sure, and Jaehyun was always the vocal one about how much he hated that issue disturbing his peaceful life. “Fine, whatever,” he muttered as he walked away to his room, Jungwoo following automatically to rest in the guest room which he knew had been prepared by Jaehyun prior to their arrival.

Mark stood there for a while, watching as his brother’s eyes fluttered tiredly. He then came to his brother and gave a quick tight hug. “So glad to see you earlier, hyung. Missed you,” he said softly, hoping it could energize Taeyong even just for a little. He knew how much Taeyong had sacrificed ever since he moved back to Seoul; he was like a whole different personl, but still trying to stay the same.

Taeyong laughed softly. “Missed you too, little bro. Now go get some rest, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Jaehyun popped his head out of his room, obviously listening to the small exchange and looking annoyed. “Do you think I have the heart to let you do that? You’re sleeping with me,” he said before disappearing to his room again.

Mark and Taeyong looked at each other briefly before Mark shrugged and Taeyong stood up to get into Jaehyun’s room. They decided everyone could need a rest before storm attacked once Yuta arrived.

 

“What do you mean they want us back?” Yuta asked, hands gripping the edge of the kitchen’s counter tightly, breathing heavily.

Taeyong was leaning against the refrigerator, while Jaehyun tried to stay unbothered as he washed all the dishes after their dinner together. Mark and Jungwoo stood next to the kitchen door, and Jisung sat stiffly on the dinner table, clearly uncomfortable with the tension.

“It means exactly what I said,” Taeyong calmly replied his same age cousin.

“Is it for good?” Mark asked, trying to look as unbothered as possible as well, "I'm just wondering, I'm not hoping anything," he lied because none of them missed the little pray and hope in his voice.

They knew what he had in his mind and they felt sorry for him and scared for him, because the chance of it not turning the way Mark had wished for the past 7 years he lived miserably away from the only person he wanted to be with was so _so_ big.

Taeyong was familiar of nights after their sudden move where he would found Mark sitting in his room, clutching a phone to his chest as he cried when the number he remembered was inactive. Or the nights after Taeyong moved back to Seoul where Mark ran away from home and got everyone freaked out, only to randomly show up in front of Jungwoo’s or Jaehyun’s apartment a few hours later because he feltalone. Yuta sometimes tried to talk some sense into the younger when those episodes acted up because, aside from his sudden burst of emotions, Yuta was probably the only one who could see things neutrally between the two oldest, while Taeyong would use his heart too much.

“It’s not for good,” Taeyong answered, “grandfather is very sick at the moment—“

Taeyong’s words were cut by the sound of Jaehyun throwing a glass into the sink, which fortunately did not break. “So, he wants us there now that police is on his tail while he’s in his deathbed? To do what? Clean up his mess?”

Mark frowned. Jaehyun rarely got so worked up; if the attitude came from Yuta, honestly, Mark was not surprised. Yes, Jaehyun was always the one who avoided their family issue the most, with Jungwoo came in second place, but he was calmed and collected. He was soft-spoken and always so respectful of his elders, especially to Taeyong and Yuta who Jaehyun had seen as his own blood brothers, who took care of him growing up alone and away from his own parents. And, Jaehyun avoided conflicts the best. 

“Hyung!” Jungwoo called, reaching out to Jisung who was looking so confused and about to cry. Despite his careless facade and sarcastic comments all the time, Jungwoo was actually very attentive, especially to Mark and Jisung who were younger than him.

“Sung-ah, go to your room and wait for one of us there,” Mark ordered and the youngest never bolted out faster in his life, wanting to get away from the tension.

“What did hyung mean with police is on his tail?” Mark continued once the door to Jisung’s room shut close and he noticed that everyone looked very uncomfortable, “What is going on, hyungs? You all know something I don’t?”

Yuta sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “It’s all over the news, Mark.”

Mark frowned and wanted to ask _what’s all over the news_ , but then Taeyong shook his head.

“He deserves to know too,” Jaehyun said, answering Taeyong’s silent beg, finally softening at the oldest’s worried expression. Jaehyun reached for his own phone and typed something before giving it to Mark.

 

 

> **CEO of Lee Enterprise, Lee Jaejin, under investigation for fraud, money laundering**
> 
> <https://www.koreatimes.co.kr>
> 
> South Korea’s biggest construction company is currently under fire as the CEO, Lee Jaejin, has been taken to court after former South Korea’s Minister of Health and Welfare and close friend, Seo Injun, provided evidences for the fraud case happened 7 years ago.

 

“Seo Injun, Mark, is Donghyuck’s grandfather,” Jaehyun said carefully, like he was afraid Mark would have lost his mind because of the news.

Mark looked up and what scared the hyungs the most was the void of emotions on his face. They thought he would be mad, or cry, or anything—anything was so much better than _this_. And again, they all were reminded of the little kid who put himself back together alone because everyone else was too blinded by their own issues. Seven years. Mark had taken care of his heart for  _seven years_. He had gone from feeling everything all at once to not feeling anything at all.

“I remember him,” Mark muttered as he kept his gaze on the screen of the phone, “Donghyuck always wanted to be a doctor because of him." He finally looked up and scanned all his cousins' faces, "What happened?”

Jaehyun and Yuta looked at Taeyong, demanding him to explain it to his brother.

“Our company received a project from the ministry to build hospitals on several parts of the country. Grandfather took the opportunity to invest on the money instead of really spending it for the project. The government accused Seo Injun for corruption because of that, so he was removed from his position and investigated but they never found evidence against him,” Taeyong explained, “years later now, Seo Injun asked for his name to be cleaned, he brought proofs that it was our grandfather’s fault.”

"Is this—" Mark sighed, closing his eyes tiredly as the memory of seven years ago washed over him, "is this why we left Seoul?"

Taeyong looked at his brother with pity. "The night before Seo Injun's investigation and removal from his position as the ministry, he had a big fight with grandfather. Who wouldn't get angry to be accused that way, huh? Grandfather asked him for more time, but he couldn't give it because he was on the line too. Grandfather somehow felt threatened and decided to send us all away while he worked his way to fix the problem."

"For seven years. He left us hanging for seven years, until now that Seo Injun has a chance to fix it himself," Yuta finally spoke again after a while, "after seven years, only now he wants us back," he scoffed and looked away.

Mark took some time to process before nodding calmly. “When are we leaving?”

“First thing in the morning. I have set up the trip with our private jet,” Taeyong answered.

“Okay,” Mark said, he turned to look at all his cousins one by one, silently convincing them that he was okay, he was not bothered, though it was all a lie from the beginning and he knew, _everyone knew_ , “I’ll just go check on Jisung,” Mark straightened up, slowly leaving the kitchen and not making eye contact with any of them anymore.

Mark took some time walking to the guest room Jisung was sharing with Yuta, finding the youngest sitting by the window in the dark, watching the street outside. The street lamps casted a yellow shadow on the youngest face, making it even more melancholy. When Jisung heard the door shut close softly, he looked at the newcomer.

“Hyung,” Jisung called and Mark’s heart broke into pieces at the sadness the younger was radiating, so he quickly walked to tend to Jisung.

Jisung was 8 when his parents sent him away to live with Yuta. Though Yuta took good care of him like he was his own brother and his mother treated him like her own child, he had birthdays that were spent only with a brief phone call from his own real parents and fancy presents delivered through his father’s own personal assistant. Jisung grew up believing he left Seoul because his parents never wanted him. Day by day, he only prayed for one phone call, asking about his day, his study, his interest in dancing, and probably the words ‘ _we miss you’_ once in a while.

Both Mark and Jisung were already at the age where they were shy of physical touch and affection. Jisung always refused whenever Yuta offered to drive him to school, too scared that the hyung would jump on him any moment to tease him with kisses, though Yuta himself was much less affectionate compared to Jungwoo and Taeyong. So, when nights like this happened, when one of them was feeling down and needed to be comforted, sometimes they would sit face to face with each other, knees touching. What mattered to them was not the touch, what mattered was the presence of each other.

“Are you okay?” Mark asked softly, sitting right in front of Jisung and tried to find his eyes.  _I'm not okay too, Ji, and it's okay not to be okay sometime_.

Jisung looked out of the window again. “I almost forgot it was Mom’s birthday last week, hyung. When I called, we only talked for a bit before she had to go for another meeting, as if she never expected me," Jisung turned to look at him, eyes filled with tears and hurt so quickly that Mark did not know what to do, "Is it because they never wanted me, hyung? Am I a mistake?”

“Jisung, no.”

“Then _why_?” Jisung whispered softly, brokenly, and his voice shook so hard as he held the flow of tears in.

He shook his head with regrets, reaching out to take Jisung’s hand in his. “Things happened. At times, it's hard to understand the things they did that hurt us, as if they never care about us, as if we don't matter. And, all I have now is sorry. I'm sorry you got hurt, I'm sorry Taeyong hyung got hurt, and Yuta hyung, and Jaehyun hyung, Jungwoo hyung. I'm sorry. I’m sorry I don’t think I have the right answer for you on why your parents seem like they never wanted you, but even if they didn't, we all can’t imagine our life without you. You're important, maybe not to them, but to us, Jisung-ah. Don't ever forget that. You're not alone because we're here together.”

 

The time Mark stepped onto the land of Seoul, he realized how many things he had forgotten about it. It was silly, he knew, he had 11 years of memory before he left, much longer than what Jisung had. But the weather, the trees lining up on the streets, he could not recall any of these little details, and he was afraid there were more things he forgot.

Taeyong ushered all six of them into the SUV that was prepared in front of their private plane once it had landed. He was driving with Yuta on the passenger seat, Mark and Jisung sat in the middle row, while Jaehyun and Jungwoo stick to each other at the back. They did not say a word, watching the scenery went by as they drove to the city center, where an apartment had been prepared for each family. Jisung had been so nervous about staying with his parents again even only for a week or so they were planned to after the last time he saw them was nearly 5 years ago.

While everyone was daydreaming, Mark had been so attached to his phone. An app was opened, waiting for him to type the keywords that would take him to find whatever and whomever he wanted to know. This felt so much like facing a line and Mark kept asking himself, was he brave enough to cross it. The only answer to that was to follow his heart, and his heart did not know when he would be back here—if he would ever be back here.

So, he took the shot.

_Seo Donghyuck_

A couple of information showed up in the search engine; how Donghyuck looked these days, a little about his piano recital and that he was called as a music prodigy of the Seos, where he went for school, and many other things.

Mark sat there, a picture of Donghyuck in his school uniform, smiling brightly together with his cousin next to him, Seo Jaemin, and a big header above the picture; _The Perfect Duo, The Youngest Sons of The Seos_.

Mark’s heart skipped at the thought of seeing him again and his brain told him it was wrong wrong _wrong_ _because you don’t deserve to see him_ , but his heart was saying otherwise.

 

When Mark got into the apartment, alone because Taeyong had to go to the company, his mother just came out of the kitchen with an apron around her slim figure, some steaming food was served on the table. She lit up at the sight of Mark and Mark used to experience that same happiness when he was still a kid.

Everything changed the day his father told him they were moving and her turning her back to Mark.

Years later, his mother never spoke about the Seos anymore and Mark never asked—Mark stopped asking. Mark despised her and his father with the way they forced him to do something he hated without any clear explanation. They thought thousands of nice presents and a good life would make everything normal again, but he was always the stubborn one compared to Taeyong, and it was selfish he knew, he just could never forget the feeling of betrayal he felt that night, because she was the one who wanted him and Donghyuck to be best friends, but she also the one who took him away.

“You’re here, Minhyung-ah!” she greeted happily. His mother was at their home in Toronto when Mark left to Vancouver to see Jungwoo, while his father had flew to Seoul a few weeks before for his regular business trip. She probably received the sudden news when Mark was in Connecticut with his cousins and flew right away to Seoul.

“It’s Mark,” Mark corrected her coldly, eyes scanning his bags that were dropped by the penthouse's concierge. When the concierge was done with the bags, he bowed deeply at Mark before accepting the money handed to him by Mark and left, and only then Mark turned to his mother, challenging her to continue. He hated the name so much. If all they wanted was for him to forget his old life, then he wished for the name to be erased entirely, because the way _Lee Minhyung_ was pronounced reminded him of someone who liked to call him with that name, the only someone who deserved to call him that with so much love for him.

_“Minhyung hyung.”_

“Oh,” she looked defeated, as always whenever Mark acted cold around her, but she tried to lighten up again as if they were the most normal family in the world, “I’m sorry. I know you’re tired, but let’s go have dinner first before you rest. Your father is still at the office, Taeyong is picking him up.”

Mark shook his head. “I’m not hungry, sorry, I know you’ve prepared a lot but I’m going to head to bed right away."

Her smile was strained, disappointed, and Mark could never care less. “Okay,” she said softly before looking at the servant behind her, “Take him to his room,” she ordered and the servant bowed to her before showing the way to Mark.

 

“Yo, man, how’s Seoul?” Lucas greeted after the second ring.

Mark’s sigh screamed _don’t remind me_. “Awkward,” Mark answered distractedly. He was unpacking his bag when Lucas texted him saying he just landed in Hong Kong. "How's Hong Kong?” he asked back, clearly trying to divert the attention.

“ _Awkward_ ,” Lucas answered teasingly then laughed, “and how about the love of my life?”

Mark pretended to gag and made a face though Lucas obviously could not see it. “Still despise you.”

“Ouch,” his friend laughed, “you mean still loving me fiercely.”

“In your dream, Cas,” Mark replied but then smiled fondly.

“Seriously though,” Lucas continued, “how are things there?”

Mark shrugged as best as he could with a phone stuck between his shoulder and cheek while both his hands were arranging his folded clothes to be put into the drawer. "Seriously awkward, and full of tension. I hate being here so much."

"I thought coming back there would make you happy? I mean, that's all you ever wished for."

"You know why, Cas," Mark replied resignedly, "I would be glad if I can just at least pay a visit to his school or something. You know, just to make sure he grew up fine and happy—"

"Without you?" Lucas cut him off with the tone that Mark hated so much, because whenever Lucas used that tone, he was dead serious, absolutely right and he was well aware of how that truth could flip Mark's heart easily. "You want to know whether he's as miserable as you are, or if he's able to move on just great without you. What are you going to do if he's not happy and what are you going to do if he is?"

Mark shook his head. "I hate you,"  _cause you're right, I'm selfish like that, I want him to be as unhappy as I am._

"Whatever he's feeling, you're just going to go after him, aren't you?" Lucas concluded again, and Mark could imagine the smirk on his face.  _Lucas 2, Mark 0._

Mark did not say anything anymore and Lucas let them fall into comfortable silence with their own thoughts. And, Mark focused his attention back to unpacking his stuff, taking all his folded clothes from the top of his bed and walking to the drawer he remembered from his old house. Funny how they were trying hard to make him leave the past but kind enough to bring something with the memory of his old life.

He held the opened drawer to find it surprisingly not empty with something that brought even more feelings to his over-loaded chest. There was a framed picture he left behind when he packed his stuff for Canada. Honestly, he could not even remember if he was the one who packed his stuff or not. Maybe it was his helpers who left it there, maybe it was his parents who told them to leave it, but whoever it was, Mark felt guilty for forgetting its existence. Mark had seven years to look for it, but he forgot it—forgot the picture of both him and Donghyuck when he was 8, playing at the park near Donghyuck’s penthouse, where Mark had his arm around the younger’s shoulder and both of them leaned their heads towards each other’s. He was smiling so big in the picture, his other hand made a V-sign. Donghyuck had his arms around Mark’s waist, hugging him possessively.

_“Minhyung hyung is mine! Right, hyung?”_

“I think I’m going to do something stupid,” Mark said suddenly; this little picture had moved him to do something. Though Lucas never spoke it out loud, but he was right; Mark needed closure, Mark needed to know id he was the only one suffering, if Donghyuck was happy without him, and Mark wanted to be selfish for himself, wanted to hold Donghyuck's hand and ask how he had been, just for the sake of no one else's but his own feelings.

Lucas chuckled heavily. “You’ve done plenty of stupid things, Mark,” Lucas laughed slowly, “but whatever it is, as long as you’re happy with your choice, you know I’ll always get your back.”

 

“Can I borrow the car?” Mark said once he stepped into the dining room where both his parents and Taeyong were having a breakfast.

His father did not look up from his newspaper, not even after weeks of not seeing his youngest son, and honestly, Mark did not care. “No ‘good morning’ today?” he asked back softly, ignoring Mark’s sudden request with no sense of emotions Mark could trace as usual.

“Sure, sweetheart,” his mother answered for him, eyes hopeful for a little interaction with her youngest, “let’s have breakfast first, you haven’t seen your father last night.”

“It’s nothing new.”

“Mark,” Taeyong hissed, head directed towards his brother but eyes were downcast, careful, always the careful and responsible oldest of the family, “sit down,” he ordered softly.

Mark rolled his eyes, it was a sign from Taeyong to be more civil to their parents and Mark would do that, just because he wanted to lessen Taeyong’s burden a little. “Thank you but I’m really not hungry. I just need to borrow the car.”

His father finally put the newspaper down and rubbed the bridge of his nose as if he was trying to stay patient dealing with a rebellious teenager. “Do you even know the way around Seoul?”

Mark shrugged, unbothered. “I can find the way, I’m not a child.”

“But you’re my child,” he said sternly, “I’m worried you’ll find trouble.”

Mark scoffed, looking at Taeyong and hoping their minds connected, _really, Tae_ , he tried to be civil, never told him otherwise, but it was so hard with the way his parents acted around him. Both his parents and Taeyong were living in a bubble, safe from harm while pretending like it could never burst, and they tried to drag Mark together with them. But, Mark was too stubborn, he always knew what he wanted, and it was to be out of that fragile bubble, to go against the world for his own happiness. He was done hiding.

“Fine,” Mark shook his head in disbelief, “since we’re going to end up having that useless conversation again, I’m just gonna go ask someone else,” he snapped before walking away, pretending Taeyong did not call him with his big-brother tone he hated so much.

 

Jungwoo fidgeted in his seat behind the wheel as both Mark and him were waiting. “This is stupid. You know I would kill myself for saying this, but maybe Jaehyun hyung is a better option to help you perform a suicide mission, he’s calmed and collected and he hated our family that may be it’s a better idea. Or Yuta, at least he knows martial art so he can defend the both of you when their bodyguards kill you.”

Mark leaned forward in his seat, elbows on his knees as he watched the private school ground closely. The securities of the place were already pacing around the front gate, waiting for the signal to open it, so Mark knew he was close. “Hyung, please shut up.”

“Wow, so much for helping you sneak out after fighting with your parents to see the Seos, the ones we need to avoid the most. But, of course, Mark likes challenges and this is one of them,” he blabbered.

Mark somehow had managed to convince Jungwoo to drive him to Dwight School Seoul, one of the most prestigious private schools in South Korea and none other than the school the youngest Seos were going to. Yes, Mark knew he was digging his own grave, especially with the way Jungwoo kept reminding him all the way to the place, but Mark could not help it. He had promised himself to hold it back, to just look from afar, to just make sure that the other had grown up well and happy, _the lie he kept convincing himself with_.

“It’s opened,” Mark looked at his older cousin with hopeful eyes and body buzzing with excitement, obviously ignoring Jungwoo’s muttering his name sadly, and then focused back on the stream of kids around his age, coming out of the building slowly.

The cars parked outside together with Jungwoo’s were moving one by one, picking up the kids from the front gate. Mark made sure to really look at each one of them who got into the cars, a printed picture of the one he was looking for was held tightly in his right hand. But almost an hour passed by, none of the kids similar to the photograph he found in the Internet was seen and Mark almost lost hope. Maybe he was wrong, maybe the information was wrong. _Maybe he was not meant to find him._

“Maybe he called in sick today, or maybe he’s not going to this school,” Mark said dejectedly, leaning back against his seat in defeat, “I remember his brothers went to a boarding school in London, the one where most of the Seos went to. It only makes sense for him to actually go there, don’t you think? The Internet can be wrong,” he shrugged.

“We really should go, Mark,” Jungwoo said softly after a while, heart broken at the sight of desperation in Mark’s eyes.

Mark opened his mouth to agree to Jungwoo’s advice when his eyes caught someone, someone familiar, _someone he wanted to see_. That someone was Seo Jaemin, another one of the youngest sons of the Seos. Mark remembered him from one of the articles he read. While Donghyuck excelled in music, Jaemin was athletic as he made into the national soccer team recently.

Mark crossed his fingers, deciding to wait. Jaemin was with a friend, looking like they were waiting for someone else who Mark desperately hoped was Donghyuck.

“Mark, we should go,” Jungwoo said again, starting the engine of his car, but instead, Mark took his seatbelt off and opened the door. “No, wait, Mark!” Jungwoo hissed, following Mark who bravely walked towards the gate.

_"Jemin, Jeno!"_

Mark whipped his head toward the boy he was looking for, running out of the front gates toward Jaemin and their other friend, and Mark felt his heart leapt out of his chest.

He remembered him from the fraction of his childhood memories, and even back then, he already thought the boy as one of of the most beautiful ones. This boy in front of him had tan skin and his dark brown hair bounced as he was catching up to his friend and cousin. His blazer was slung across his shoulder, both of his sleeves were folded up to his elbows, one of his hands was holding a violin case. His figure might be almost the same size as Mark’s, but he swore he could shield the younger in his arms. The boy was chatting animatedly when he saw Jaemin, radiating happiness and reminding Mark of a sunshine, Mark's sunshine. Really, Mark thought he fell in love all over again, or maybe because he had been waiting for this moment forever. Everything else did not matter.

“Mark!” Jungwoo called louder, finally catching up to him as he held Mark’s arm to stop him from moving further away, hoping to put Mark back into his consciousness.

And, Donghyuck turned to him, eyes curious at the call. Mark finally met eyes with Donghyuck, and it had been so long, maybe he forgot that eyes or the little smile the younger would give when they made eye contact, because this time, it was a new feeling, a feeling Mark could never describe with words, a feeling that completed everything. He found surprise and adoration in the younger’s eyes, but slowly it all turned to fear.

_Fear?_

“Mark, please,” Jungwoo whispered in his ear, “please, we have to go, someone might see.”

For a while, Mark broke his eye contact with Donghyuck at the urgency in Jungwoo’s voice. His cousin had tears on his eyes and Mark was so confused on why he acted that way. Mark could sense fear coming from Jungwoo.

_Fear?_

“Minhyung hyung?” Mark heard a whisper, a small voice shaking at the pronunciation of his real name, and Mark automatically turned back to look at Donghyuck, to the one he was hoping to see, to touch, to hug these past years. “Minhyung hyung,” Donghyuck said again, this time a little bit louder and slowly walked to him.

Seo Jaemin stopped his cousin with fingers around his elbow. “Hyuck,” Mark heard him beg in fear.

 _Why fear?_ Mark wanted to scream.

Donghyuck contemplated whether he should go for Mark or stay with Jaemin for a while. Mark understood the doubt, because he was in the same position as Jungwoo’s hold tightened around his body.

But, instead of listening to Jungwoo's beg, Mark left his cousin, and as he took the step, Donghyuck also left Jaemin’s side, both ignoring the fear and the worry surrounding them. Like what Mark said to Lucas, he was going to do something stupid, and as long as he was happy, he knew everyone who loved him would have his back. He walked faster and Donghyuck walked faster and they both bumped into each other's arms in the middle, automatically hugging the other tightly, and Donghyuck had sobbed his name so brokenly.

“I’m here,” Mark whispered to his ear, closing his eyes in regrets, “I’m here, I’m so sorry I left, I had no choice.”

“You left,” Donghyuck said in between sobs, “hyung left.”

Mark only hugged him tighter, feeling Donghyuck's lips on his neck and wishing for them to keep it this way forever. “I know I’m sorry, I’m so sorry but I’m here now, I’m gonna make this work, Hyuck-ah.”

It was like something clicked in the younger’s head because all of the sudden he pulled away, almost shoving Mark away and shaking so bad. “You have to go,” he said firmly, shaking his head quickly, eyes frantically searching behind Mark for something, some sign, _someone_.

Mark frowned, confused at the change of attitude. “Donghy—“

“No!” Donghyuck cut him off hysterically, “He’s gonna be here and he can’t see you.”

“Who’s gonna be here, Hyuck?” Mark asked desperately, it hurt him so bad seeing Donghyuck so distressed like that.

But, Donghyuck only continued shaking his head harshly. “You can’t make this work, hyung,” he whispered.

“Hyuck!” Jaemin called, and Mark turned his attention towards Donghyuck’s cousin who looked at something behind Mark in panic, the same panic like Donghyuck, “Hyung is here,” Jaemin announced slowly.

Mark saw the way Donghyuck got even more worked up than before, breathing heavily as he pushed Mark away like he had been burned by Mark's touch when just a few seconds ago he was craving for it. Mark could not focus on anything else, other than the way Donghyuck cried, not even when Jungwoo pulled him forcefully towards the car though his body automatically resisted, not when another car stopped right next to him and two men went out. He only came back to reality when Donghyuck stepped in front of him as if he was shielding Mark from the two newcomers.

The newcomers, at first, came looking worried seeing Donghyuck’s frantic state, the one sitting in the passenger seat did not even close the door as he wanted to get to Donghyuck immediately. The other guy looked as worried, but once he saw Mark’s and Jungwoo’s faces, his facial expression changed, connecting one dot to another, and then that tall man only watched Mark coldly when he had his own conclusion.

“What’s going on?” the other man asked, his soft expression was looking even more worried at how unstable Donghyuck breathing was as he might have the same fear as Mark’s that Donghyuck would end up with a panic attack and faint. He then looked to Mark before finally shifting to Jaemin, who only shook his head to answer the silent question in his eyes.

Donghyuck though only focused on the tall man, the one who scoffed at Mark and Jungwoo. He was quiet and thoughtful that Mark could not guess a single emotion on his face, though Mark could sense danger from him, confirmed by Jungwoo's panicked shifting next to him. “So, this is him, Hyuck?” he asked as he turned his gaze to Donghyuck.

“He’s leaving, hyung,” Mark was not sure how Donghyuck could compose himself so quickly, but his voice only slightly wavered though the tears on his face could never lie that he was scared, “he’s leaving and he’ll never come to find me. I promise.”

Mark opened his mouth to argue, but he stopped when the tall man scoffed and Donghyuck’s flinch was very noticeable at that.

“He shouldn’t have came to see you in the first place,” he said calmly, and the danger Mark detected from the beginning intensified as the man reached out to grip Donghyuck’s wrist all of the sudden, practically throwing him towards the other guy who hugged Donghyuck in distress.

“Hyung!” the other newcomer and Jaemin yelled to the tall guy at the same time, while Jaemin and Donghyuck’s friend who was forgotten in the middle of the mess scrambled to Donghyuck’s other side, calling his name softly. Donghyuck melted into the hug of his friend and the newcomer, turning into another sobbing mess.

“You—“ Mark stepped forward seeing the man handled Donghyuck so harshly like that.

“Lee Minhyung,” he sneered, turning slowly to look at Mark. Jungwoo was next to him in second, one hand was in front of him to hold him back. “And Lee Jungwoo. How cute,” the man continued seeing Jungwoo’s protectiveness, “I can’t believe you both have the guts to see my brother after everything that’s happened,” he laughed softly.

“Seo Youngho,” Jungwoo breathed, “we’re not here to make a mess.”

Youngho sighed heavily. “Then leave before I change my mind,” he threatened coldly, “next time I see him near my brother, he’s dead, and you know I never throw empty treats.”

Jungwoo nodded stiffly. “You have my word,” Jungwoo said one last time before turning around to face Mark. He waited for Mark to turn his back and leave too, but Mark stood his ground, and Jungwoo only shook his head, begging him quietly to let it go, _just let it go_.

Mark threw his gaze towards Donghyuck who was assisted to get into the SUV by the other guy, leaving his friend stunned as he watched their retreating backs. Jaemin looked at Mark for a second and Mark was sure there was hate in his eyes, before following his cousin getting into the car. Youngho stood there until it was just the three of them.

“I’m not playing, Lee Minhyung,” he said, crossing his arms in front of his chest and finally left to get into the car himself to drive away, leaving him, Jungwoo, and their own thoughts.

“So,” Donghyuck's friend said once the car was out of sight, he turned around to look at Mark with something Mark could not understand, “you’re _the_ Lee Minhyung.”

 

By the time Mark and Jungwoo walked into Jungwoo’s apartment, he realized that all his cousins except for Jisung had gathered in the living room, looking worried and some with fear. Mark turned to Jungwoo and the older looked back at him with guilt.

“You told them?” Mark whispered accusingly.

“Are you freaking out of your mind?!” Jaehyun roared, ready to charge at Mark, making Mark and Jungwoo turned to him in alarm, and in a second Yuta was at his side to hold him back.

Jungwoo also instantly took a step in front of Mark to protect him from Jaehyun, while Taeyong sat silently at the couch and closed his eyes tiredly at the sight of Mark coming back safely, probably thanking God for taking care of his little brother.

“You went into the lion’s cage, didn’t you know that? He’s a Seo, Mark, are you crazy?” Jaehyun trashed in Yuta’s hold, too emotional to control himself and Mark was too tired and confused to care.

Mark looked at his older cousin hardly. “I’m sorry that I try to find my own happiness, okay?”

Jaehyun pushed Yuta away and the older let him when he was sure Jaehyun would not attack Mark anymore. Jaehyun was trying to control his own raging breath, realizing he was making a scene, something he hated so much. “Oh, so your happiness is the same as suicide?” Jaehyun asked cynically.

“Yes. What’s gotten into you these days?” Mark raised his voice at Jaehyun.

“What’s gotten into _you_?!” Jaehyun yelled back.

Mark laughed sarcastically out loud. “You don’t know _what’s gotten into me_?! You all know the best how I feel towards this family’s mess, hyung! You were there during many of my breakdowns, I literally came to you a lot of times. You know all I ever wanted is to see him! So you didn’t expect me to go blindly to him? Really?” Mark scoffed, “How naïve.”

Jaehyun looked away, his expression was still hard but everyone in the room could see the sign of their Jaehyun back. 

Yes, Jaehyun knew what had gotten into Mark, and Mark knew that he knew, that he understood, although the older tried to ignore it or cheered Mark up by making him forget instead of making him forgive the past, but _Jaehyun understood_. They all had their own wound from this mess; Taeyong with his responsibilities as the heir, Yuta with his emotional explosions, Jaehyun with his trust issue, Jungwoo with his lack of confidence outside their little group, Jisung with his parents, and Mark with Seo Donghyuck, and there were so many times when they were too selfish to think straight, just like many people out there who walked around with bleeding heart.

“I'm sorry, I was so worried when I heard Jungwoo freaking out in the text,” Jaehyun said softly, reaching out to take Mark’s arm to pull him into an embrace, "you have no idea what they can do to you, Mark. You're my little cousin and it's my duty to protect you in this shitty world and shitty situation."

And, Mark stayed stubborn for a while; tried to show that he was strong and not affected by the recent event. But, then, he saw Donghyuck’s face again, fresh in his mind, and how the youngest trembled in fear. _Is he happy? Is he healthy? Do people take good care of him? Did I get him into trouble by seeing him?_ And many other questions ran through his mind so quick that he went deeper into Jaehyun’s hug, shifting his head to burry his face into Jaehyun’s neck, and finally he broke down in tears.

“I miss him so much,” Mark cried, “he was here in my arms, hyung. He said I left him. I left him when I didn’t even have a choice.”

Jaehyun nodded, one hand on Mark’s hair, while the other rubbing comfort on his back. “I know, I’m sorry it has to be like this, Mark, but _you can’t_. The Seos don’t throw empty threats,” he pulled away from Mark, cupping both his hands on the sides of Mark’s face, “it’s for your safety and for his too. You can’t,” he whispered regretfully the last sentence, and pulled Mark into another tight hug.

Mark sobbed, he cried, he wailed, and for the first time in 7 years, after so many hard attempts to glue his broken heart and to keep it hidden from anyone, trying to forget and thinking that he had healed because he was able to function normally and properly, he realized that his broken heart could never be repaired until he had the only boy he wanted in his arms again.

 

 

Mark was the last one who came into the room in one of the private wings of the hospital where they kept their grandfather, putting his arm around Jisung’s shoulders and holding Jungwoo’s wrist to ground him. It had been five days since they all arrived in Seoul and not once they were able to talk to him because he was in coma the first two days they were there. His heart was failing him slowly, his body was too worn to stay strong.

He remembered when his grandfather was so strong he could run around the backyard to catch Mark in his arms and play with his grandchildren for hours. He remembered the weekends they all spent in his house, swimming together while his grandmother would come out to put some cookies and lemonade on their porch. He remembered the way he clutched the phone, waiting for his answer when he was about to board the plane to Toronto. He remembered holding a crying Jungwoo when they heard their beautiful grandmother passed away and they were not even allowed to pay her a last visit. He remembered all the happy days and all the bad days. He remembered all and sometimes he wished to forget, sometimes he wished to have less memories like Jisung because then maybe it would hurt less.

“The recent case and his guilt are eating him from the inside,” Jaehyun’s father said whent they visited, but Jungwoo’s mother only hissed softly at him, asking him not to mention it in front of them, and her brother only laughed quietly, “why? They’re not children anymore, Jina, they’re smart and they’ll eventually find out the truth anyway. It's our family's fault.” He then stood up and walked out, not to forget to give Jaehyun a pat on his shoulder.

Mark wished his father would be like Jaehyun’s; stop shading the truth from him.

 

 

 

> **Lee Enterprise CEO Lee Jaejin dies at age of 85**
> 
> <https://www.koreatimes.co.kr>
> 
> Former Lee Enterprise CEO Lee Jaejin is dead at the age of 85. Lee was investigated for his involvement in the corruption case of Korea National Hospitals project nearly 7 years ago when he was brought to the hospital, suffering from heart attack. His condition decreased for almost 2 months, before he passed away on Saturday night.

 

 

 

 

 

_Mark was still 18 when he met his first good bye._

Mark went back to Canada and pretended like he did not get through the worst summer break ever. His vacation with his cousins was ruined, he concluded that repairing his relationship with Donghyuck was just a dream, and his grandfather passed away. Taeyong asked whether they should continue their initial plan, but Yuta, Jaehyun, and Mark clearly needed a break from their messy family that they refused and stayed hidden for the rest of summer. The rest of cousins respected them that they only communicated with one another through personal messages. Taeyong was staying in Vancouver with Mark and their mother for only a week, before deciding to head back to Seoul to help with the company just like before the summer. Jungwoo had Jisung to stay with him throughout the holiday and whenever they video called one of them just to say hi, they would brag about the places they went to for their own vacation. Mark was glad at least two of them got to still enjoy the rest of the season.

Their first get-together happened on the night of Mark’s birthday. Mark finally found the perfect apartment for him and Lucas at downtown New York. They moved in early and spent a few weeks before orientation to organize stuff and get used to New York. On Mark’s birthday, all his cousins and Taeyong made a surprise appearance on his front door, bringing cake, presents, and wearing birthday hats like happy idiots. They all looked healthier and less stressed than they did back in Seoul and Mark was sure they had their own healing time while being away from each other. After all, maybe it was a good thing to take a break from each other.

The most surprising event happened past midnight, when all of them were half wasted except for Jisung who was still a minor and Taeyong who was the only one staying responsible, he found Lucas and Jungwoo kissing in the kitchen.

“Yo, Jungwoo’s kissing Lucas!” Mark giggled from the hallway and he heard Jaehyun exclaimed _ugh, finally_ while Yuta and Jisung laughing so loud.

Mark was drunk but after a while he felt lighter that he had ever been since Seoul. Maybe he did not forget, maybe his heart still broke whenever he was reminded by the event, but he definitely learned to accept it.

Or, so he hoped.

 

Mark cursed at Lucas’s laziness. It was weekend and they were supposed to go grocery shopping together after Mark went out to buy stuff for his orientation day the next Monday, but his best friend shamelessly abandoned Mark because the weather was too hot to be out. Fortunately, there were not many things to buy, so Mark could bring it on his own.

He was about to cross the street to get to his apartment, waiting for the traffic light to turn green for pedestrian, when he saw the boy, standing on the other side of the road and waiting to cross the same intersection as Mark. He was on his phone, talking seriously with whomever on the other side of the line. His eyes distractedly went around while Mark could only focus on him.

Again. It felt like facing a line and asking himself if he was brave enough to cross it.

This time, Mark held back.

The light turned green and Mark walked slowly, crossing the street and trying to steady the hands that hugged his grocery bag. Though he asked himself not to sway, his eyes could never leave the boy opposite his direction.

At one point, what Mark had secretly hoped for happened; the boy locked eyes with him briefly when they were just several steps away from each other. Mark thought he would stop, because if he did, Mark would do the same, Mark would always let him lead and choose what he wanted while himself could only hope and pray. And so Mark prayed for the younger to keep walking, to ignore him, and when he did, shoulders slightly brushing against Mark’s like he would to a stranger he met on the street, Mark did not know why he felt disappointed that his prayer was answered.

His hands was shaking so much that he was afraid he would drop his groceries. Throughout the rest of his walk to the apartment, he was holding himself back, he did not want to cry, he did not want to turn around and run to that boy. He was eleven thousands away from Seoul when he thought he was starting to accept his reality, but he would forever be reminded to his wound.

He cursed at the world.

 

“Oof, someone’s pissed,” Lucas said, getting out of the bathroom with towel on his head when Mark went in and threw away his keys.

Mark only gave Lucas a half-hearted nod of acknowledgment as he walked into the kitchen to organize the groceries. Lucas followed his friend and leaned against the kitchen’s doorway to observe him for a while, understood that something happened while he was out.

“You got a package,” Lucas informed.

Mark turned his head and frowned at the information, hands still taking the groceries out of the bag. “From who?”

Lucas shrugged and grabbed the bottle of milk in Mark’s hand. “Go look at it on the couch. I’ll take care the rest of these.”

Mark slowly retreated and was out of the kitchen to the living room. He found a box of present on the couch just as what Lucas said.

“What if it’s a bomb?” Mark joked but his voice was serious. Lucas only let out an annoying _yeah, right_. “Seriously, who is this from? Is it a birthday present?”

“Just shut up and open it!”

Mark finally sat down on the carpeted floor, taking what seemed like a shoebox into his hands carefully. He opened the wrapper slowly.

It was indeed a shoebox of a pair of basketball shoes, brand new and white, just as how Mark liked them.

At the inside of the box, tucked away in between the shoe and the box, was a yellow paper, which Mark assumed, was a letter. He did not know why but his heart was racing at it and at the same time he was afraid to open it. What if it only ruined him more?

  

> _Hi, Minhyung hyung! Or should I call you Mark hyung from now on? :)_
> 
> _I hope you’re well and had a blast on your birthday last week. I remember. Of course, I do, every year. This is the first time I’m finally able to give you a small present after knowing you’re alive and not hating me._
> 
> _I asked for help from a friend to find out all the information about you. I know your roommate, Lucas. Hopefully, I get to meet him as I drop this at your place cause I have to give him the best friend lecture before he’s able to replace me from that title. Hopefully I can come at the right time._
> 
> _I also found out you played basketball in high school! Do you still play? Oh, I bet you were the athletic boy everyone swooned over in school. I can totally imagine that._
> 
> _And, I found out too that you got into NYU's Law School! Wow, I'm impressed! So excited for you. I hope I can be there to celebrate it with you too. You deserve it so much, hyung._
> 
> _So, consider these as your birthday and congratulation present, your motivation to keep doing what you love, and also my good bye._
> 
> _Thank you for trying to find me, hyung, but it’s not safe for you and I don’t wanna risk it. Seeing you that day let me know that you don’t hate me, because I lived with that thought before. Now, I always pray that when the world is right again, we can finally be with each other. But, really, it's a wishful thinking, let it just stay that way._
> 
> _I still love you, am grateful for you, and will always miss you. I am well, with many good people looking out for me, so please always be happy._
> 
> _Don't ever try to come and find me again._
> 
> _Yours,_
> 
> _Donghyuckie_

 

“Mark,” Mark looked up at Lucas’s call and he realized his friend stood in front of him with sympathy through his blur vision caused by the tears.

“Did you see him?” Mark croaked out, trying to steady his shaky voice to sound stronger than what he really felt, “Was he here?”

”He was here,” Lucas answered, “he didn’t tell me who he was but I knew. He was so afraid someone might see him here,” Lucas then smiled sadly, “he still gave me the best friend talk though, said I have to take care of you and make sure you don’t do something stupid, like coming after him. He said he’s not worth it."

Mark scoffed. “Who is he to decide that for me?”


	2. Idyllic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Mark did not want to miss out on that chance, _that one small possibility_. Maybe he could never get the best of both worlds. Maybe their happiness together would be short lived or they had to live in hiding. Maybe they would not really be happy, but Donghyuck was worth it, and if Mark had to live in an unfair world, let him be selfish this one time.

_Mark was almost 19 when he had his first hope back._

 

**From: 070-0098-5613**

Is this Lee Minhyung?

**12.43 PM**

Depends. Who is this?

**12.44 PM**

**From: 070-0098-5613**

Lee Jeno

**12.47 PM**

Who?

**12.51 PM**

**From: 070-0098-5613**

Donghyuck’s friend. We met in Seoul when you visited our school.

**12.52 PM**

I assume you want nothing to do with him?

**19.23 PM**

I just want him to stop killing himself.

But I understand if you can’t help me. I really thought you were the one.

Sorry to bother you.

**20.48 PM**

Is he okay?

**21.30 PM**

**From: 070-0098-5613**

He was never okay, but now he’s getting worse. I’m just worried.

**21.32 PM**

What do you need from me?

**21.33 PM**

**From: 070-0098-5613**

Something you might refuse.

Something everyone will curse at me for encouraging it.

But I don’t care, at least there’s a chance that my best friend will be happy again with you.

**21.35 PM**

I think you’re talking to the wrong guy. 

I will only bring him pain.

My family has done enough. I didn’t even deserve to see him back in Seoul, I was just too naive and stupid to realize that.

**21.49 PM**

**From: 070-0098-5613**

It’s funny how you both think so alike.

He also thinks he doesn’t deserve you, you’ll only get hurt around him.

You know his brothers are coming for your head if you ever come near him, but if you really love him he’s worth every pain.

**21.51 PM**

He wants nothing to do with me. He said it in his letter very clearly.  
**22.47 PM**

**From: 070-0098-5613**

I’m giving you second chance and a way to fix things, how bout that?

There’s this lantern festival he loves so much every August. This year he’s going with me.

I’ll text you the details.

**22.47 PM**

He should be worth the risk. Don’t let him down again.

**22.55 PM**

“It’s still weird you’re suddenly so invested in this—“ Yuta stopped turning the key to one of the many Nakamoto’s vacation homes in Japan and turned to Mark for the name of the traditional festival currently happening, the main reason they were spending the last of summer break in Aomori city.

“Nebuta Matsuri,” Mark supplied helpfully, rolling his eyes and wondering who was exactly the Japanese between them.

“Right,” Yuta nodded and continued the action to open the door, dragging his suitcase through with Mark following automatically.

Mark shrugged as he closed the door behind him. “Just curious, nothing special.”

“Oh, really?” Yuta turned around slightly, stopping by the couch to watch Mark with amusement before throwing himself on top of it in the small cozy living room, “nineteen years and you never once willingly visited Japan for your _curiosity_ on a certain festival—and Japanese has tons of festivals every year, just so you know,” he acted thoughtful for a moment, “you forced me to come with you and wanted me to keep this just between us. Weird, but hope you know you’re so obvious, dumbass.”

Mark froze at his place behind the couch, watching the back of Yuta’s head carefully. “What do you mean?”

Yuta lay sideways and turned to face Mark. “He’s here, isn’t he? That’s why we’re both here. And, you would have come here alone, but you also need the right mental support you can get, which surprisingly is _me_.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about—“

“Mark, you’re so bad at lying!”  Yuta laughed loudly, shaking his head in disbelief. When the laughter reduced to giggles and finally died down, he looked at Mark again slowly with a sad smile, “You know this can lead to something bad. Have you thought about the consequences?”

Mark stared at his cousin. For a second, he almost continued with his lie and refused to acknowledge the truth. But, Yuta knew anyway, even if he insisted this trip was out of pure curiosity and he accepted Mark’s reason, deep down, Yuta knew. And, maybe he was right; Mark did need the best support he could get instead of having to deal with this alone and his running thoughts. _What if this was just a set up? What if when he showed up, Donghyuck laughed at his face and said ‘_ _Mark Lee, so gullible, you really thought I’d still need you?’ with all his family? What if all he did was just listening to his blinded desire to be with Donghyuck, which was probably an impossible thing because Donghyuck might have changed already?_

Taking Taeyong or Jaehyun with him was the same as asking for a death sentence from his family and Mark did not want to add more emotional stress on Jungwoo and Jisung. Yuta, though, might be short-tempered, but he always looked through things neutrally, and that was what Mark needed; someone who would not hesitate to fight him and slap some sense into him.

“Yes,” Mark answered firmly, “a lot. This is the last time, hyung, I promise. If this doesn’t work out—“

“Don’t promise me anything, Mark,” Yuta tilted his head, eyes soft as if Mark was a broken child, too battered from lies and neglects, “promise yourself not to get hurt over and over again. You know what makes you happy, what hurts you, and what’s important for you, not for Taeyong, not for Donghyuck, your parents, the Seos, not even for our dead grandfather and this family’s mess. You decide it for _you_.”

Mark had no words to say to Yuta. The older did not dictate him on what he was supposed to do, did not force his wants and needs on Mark, and so Mark took a few grateful steps towards his cousin, hugging him tightly. Jungwoo liked to hug Yuta to tease him and the half-Japanese would wriggle away from the touch. This hug, though, both of them seemed very comfortable of it and did not want to let go as they found peace.

“Try to stay safe, okay?” Yuta whispered gently in Mark’s ear.

Mark smiled. “Of course.”

 

Mark had been thinking about Yuta’s words;  _You decide it for you._

He weighed down his options and none of those lead to happiness somehow. If he forced his way to Donghyuck, he might end up hurting both of them, unless their families magically carried out truce, which would not happen in foreseeable future. If he stopped looking for the younger, he might get hurt from heartbreak and did not know how long he could handle the pain.

Then he was reminded by Jeno’s text message. _At least there’s a chance that my best friend will be happy wi_ _th you._

Maybe Mark did not want to miss out on _that chance, that one small possibility_. Maybe he could never get the best of both worlds. Maybe their happiness together would be short lived or they had to live in hiding. Maybe they would not really be happy, but Donghyuck was worth it, and if Mark had to live in an unfair world, let him be selfish this one time.

Mark closed his eyes. The noise of music instruments played in the festival, people celebrating their tradition, dancing and laughing, kids screaming joyfully at the festive season, Mark could hear it even tucked in the safety of his room.

“Just this one last time,” he promised himself, “let me be selfish.”

His phone rang, indicating a new message, and Mark opened his eyes to stare at it for a while, contemplating his choices for the last time. One more nod to himself, he stood up, reached for his phone and jacket, then walked out the door.

He promised he would take the risk for Donghyuck because he was important.

 

Mark walked along the street of Aomori city. His heart pulled at the peaceful string in the middle of the loud crowd of strangers. Despite his business there, he wondered why he never understood the feeling of genuine peace like this before; the feeling of being a nobody in the middle of strangers. 

He always lived with people around him; always with Lucas and his friends in school, and with his cousins and brother outside of school though mostly they were not around physically. But in that place at the moment, he was surrounded with so many people who knew nothing about him or his problem, they did not know anything about  _his past_. He was the stranger a group of dancing kids looked up to and smiled at. He was the stranger an old woman did not hesitate to hold at as she walked up the stairs, who received a thankful smile for his simple kindness. He was the stranger who was just like everybody else in their eyes that night, and he missed being treated for what kind of person he was instead of who he was, he missed being insignificant  so instead of focusing on the expectation of society on his shoulders, he could focus more on his own happiness.

 

**From: Lee Jeno**

He’s alone now. Good luck.

**19.37 PM**

 

It was Mark’s sign to stop his strolling and go find whom he was there for. His vision was tunneling with only one person in his mind, focusing automatically to scan each face that passed him by.

He almost gave up trying to look for that familiar face in the big crowd when someone bumped into his back from behind and practically sputtered out awkward Japanese as they both turned around to face each other, “I’m so sorry! I’m lost, so sor—“

“Donghyuck.”

The culprit stopped, mouth opened in shock at the sight of Mark being so close to him. Mark wanted to slap his mind but he could not help to look down at the plumped lips and how Donghyuck was so so _so_ pretty from up close. The last time Mark had him within arm length was over a year ago, under a very stressful circumstances with the boy sobbing that Mark could only focus on the tears instead of the eyes, the heavy breathing instead of the curve of his face. This time, Donghyuck had no tears and fear, _not_ _yet_ , just shock written on his face.

“Hey,” Mark greeted softly and it was like Donghyuck woke up from his daydream because he looked to his surroundings before bolting away from Mark. “No, wait—Donghyuck!”

Mark caught Donghyuck by the wrist and the younger boy turned around to look at him in horror. He was so grateful that Donghyuck did not push him away; he stiffened at the touch but let Mark held him.

“Why are you here?” Donghyuck spoke quietly, almost a whisper, but whatever it was, Mark almost cried out of happiness because this was the first time after 8 years where he could hear Donghyuck speaking almost like a normal person, no crying and screaming in distress.

Mark softened at the way Donghyuck looked behind Mark and to their skin-to-skin contact and to _anywhere_ just to avoid Mark’s eyes. Gone the confident sunshine that he was when they were both kids and innocent, Mark regretfully thought.

“I’m here to see you.”

“Why?! Someone might see us now. I told you not to try and find me,” and with the words, Donghyuck’s eyes started shining with incoming tears, “you’ll get hurt because of me. I’m not worth it.”

“You don’t get to decide that for me,” Mark replied stubbornly, raising his voice slightly but still warm, not threatening as if he was approaching a wounded animal, “I am my own person and I’ll decide that myself. I’ll decide that for _me_. You, Seo Donghyuck,” he sighed heavily, this time he was full with love—and he wondered if it was too soon for the feeling to surface, they just found each other again, “you’re worth everything to me.”

Donghyuck looked away, more tears threatening to fall but he looked determined to keep himself together in front of Mark. 

“Let it out,” Mark whispered, “let’s be selfish this time. I’m not leaving tonight.”

Donghyuck’s eyes finally met him and it was like their hearts were talking to each other, assuring one another that they were there together. Then Donghyuck’s face finally crumbled in real cry this time, and Mark slowly but firmly pulled him into a warm hug. Donghyuck melted, he did not resist anymore, and they both acted like it was just the two of them in this world, their own pain, their own happiness, their own life with no one to tell them what was right and wrong, and the world was slowing down for a while for the both of them.

Mark led him to one of the benches at the park nearby, a bit far from the crowd on the street so things were quieter. He never let Donghyuck out of his arm. Even as they sat there after a while, Donghyuck was considerably a lot calmer. They both did not talk much. Mark remembered Donghyuck as a talkative and very affectionate kid. At the moment, they both lacked of the desire to converse, but at least they were slowly fulfilling themselves with each other’s touch.

“Do you want to go somewhere?” Mark asked after Donghyuck finally stopped sniffing.

Donghyuck looked up into Mark’s eyes and Mark realized he forgot how beautiful Donghyuck’s eyes were until he was this close to the younger. “Can we go back to my place? We can—“ he hesitated for a little and Mark did not want to pressure him into something he did not want to do, so he just smiled encouragingly, “talk, catch up, I don’t know. It’s only if you want,” he looked back down at their intertwined fingers as if he still did not believe the contact was real.

“It’s only if _you’re_ comfortable, Hyuckie.”

Donghyuck smiled at the nickname. “I miss hearing you calling me that. Everyone calls me that, but it’s not the same.”

Mark’s smile got bigger and bigger, proud that even the way he called his name made Mark a special person in Donghyuck’s life. “Hyuckie,” he whispered, “Donghyuckie,” he said again louder, “Donghyuck. Seo Donghyuck. My Donghyuckie. My Hyuckie.”

For the first time, Donghyuck let out a genuine chuckle, still with a little trace of sadness but sincerer. “Thank you, Min—Mark hyung.”

Mark shook his head, combing his fingers through Donghyuck’s hair. “It’s ‘Minhyung hyung’ for you. I also miss hearing you calling me that.”

Donghyuck finally looked back at him thoughtfully. “Minhyung hyung,” Donghyuck muttered, “I miss calling you that too.”

 

Mark took Donghyuck back to his hotel.

At first, Donghyuck was so worried and alerted at his surrounding. He said that his brother, Dongyoung, had many Japanese friends who could see them together, or that his friends and cousin might see them too as they were probably around the area to look for him. But, Mark assured him that he was safe with him. Whenever Donghyuck pulled away from his touch, Mark would tuck the boy next to him again, until Donghyuck was tired of running and tried to enjoy the situation.

They still did not talk much. Mark could see how tired Donghyuck was, so he said they could converse more when they were both already in the safety of the hotel room.

Donghyuck let Mark into his hotel and excused himself to wash up, and so Mark waited in the living room while Donghyuck was in the bedroom. After a while, Donghyuck came out with sweats and a white shirt, his hair a bit damped from the shower. He held folded clothes for Mark and told him to wash up himself. Mark nodded and went into the bedroom.

Once Mark went out, clean and fresh out of shower, he found Donghyuck squeezing  himself at the end of the couch, knees folded in front of his chest, with hot tea in his hands and the TV turned on in front of him. He noticed Mark was back and smiled shyly, nodding at the other glass of tea on the table. Mark made himself comfortable at the other end of the couch with his tea. It was obvious that Donghyuck was the one who was really nervous with the way he hugged his knees tightly while Mark seemed relaxed.

Mark sipped his tea and put it back on to the table, before turning his body to face Donghyuck, crossing his legs on the couch and rested his back against the armrest. Donghyuck’s eyes moved from some boring Japanese show on the TV to Mark. He raised his eyebrow in question and Mark shrugged. Hesitantly, Donghyuck put his glass on the table and turned to face Mark too, still hugging his knees to his chest.

“What do you want to know?” Donghyuck asked quietly, looking into Mark’s eyes without any specific emotion. Though he was still anxious, he also seemed more relaxed once they both got into the hotel, Mark realized.

Mark shrugged. “Only if you’re comfortable, Hyuck,” he repeated his words from when they were at the park, “you can tell me anything you’re comfortable to share. I believe I have a lot to catch up.”

Donghyuck smiled. “How long has it been? Seven years?”

“Eight years,” Mark confirmed and Donghyuck chuckled sadly.

“I used to count the time whenever your birthday passed by,” Donghyuck looked down to his fingers, remembering memories, “’ _the first Minhyung hyung’s birthday I spent without him, his second birthday without him, the third birthday_ ’, then I just lost count I guess. I remember the day, but I didn’t know how many have passed without you,” he shrugged, “I didn’t know before that _this_ would ever happen, that I would ever be able to see you again, so I stopped counting, I stopped hoping for you to find me.”

“I’m sorry I stopped trying too,” Mark admitted and that got Donghyuck to look back into his eyes, one of Mark’s new favorite things, “I was banned from ever coming back to Seoul, still am actually. My brother, my cousins, and I—we all were thrown away that night I left. I was a kid, Hyuck, I didn’t know what to do,” _I’m sorry I should have tried harder_ , “but I felt like I had no one else. They took my cousins away from me, my brother too, and my parents acted like my feelings don’t matter. My grandfather just disappeared from our life.” Mark guessed the emotion behind Donghyuck’s eyes, and he was glad when he looked finally at ease, just listening to Mark talking. “I was lost and I tried to call you but the call didn’t get in—“

“It did the first time,” Donghyuck replied, “then they changed the number.”

Mark nodded in acknowledgment. “That broke my heart, I guess. You thought I left you willingly, I thought you didn’t want me anymore. So, I stopped trying and tried to forget about us.”

“I could never though,” Donghyuck smiled, one of his hands slowly reaching out to take Mark’s, squeezing it for a while before letting go, “you were my best friend. We spent so much time together. I was sad whenever Johnny hyung asked what’s so special about us. He doesn’t understand. No one does.”

“I’m sorry it had to be that way.”

“It’s not your fault,” Donghyuck shook his head gently, “you couldn’t have known.”

“My grandfather knew and he decided to betray yours.”

“Still not your fault,” Donghyuck insisted, “this whole mess is because people are selfish. Your grandfather was selfish, mine is too because he doesn’t want to forget and move on, not even now when his so-called enemy is gone. I wished they could both act differently, but wishes are hopeless sometimes.”

“Wishes keep us alive too,” Mark replied, trying to lighten up, “let’s stop about our family, what’s up with your life?”

Donghyuck chuckled. “I’m starting medical school this year.”

“Really?” Mark sighed happily, “You’re gonna do great, Hyuck. I hope it really is what you want, not because of your family or grandfather.”

“No,” Donghyuck said firmly, “I want to do it as Donghyuck, not as  _Seo Donghyuck_. I want to do well for myself and people who truly care about me, not because of who my grandfather is. You know what I mean?”

 _Yes_ , Mark wanted to say so badly, _yes, I understand what you mean_.

“That’s great, I’m proud of you,” Mark responded, glad at how easy the conversation was flowing.

Donghyuck hummed mindlessly. “I cannot believe I’m here with you. I don’t want to think about tomorrow, I hope time stops now. Missed you so much.”

“Hey, I’m here, I’m not leaving again,” Mark assured him, reaching out to take his hand and keeping it in his, “even if things get tough after this, I’ll work things out to be with you. I was so nervous tonight, couldn’t stop imagining you rejecting me, but I’m so glad you feel the same way as I do. And, if you let me, I don’t want to leave you again. I’ll stay with _your_ permission, not theirs. They can’t make go if you want me to stay.” Mark was so determined. _They can’t make me, so please tell me to stay._

Donghyuck’s lips started to tremble. “I want you to stay, hyung, but—“ he gripped Mark’s hand tightly and he was shaking as he looked down onto his lap. “It hurts so much,” Donghyuck finally broke down and Mark felt every teardrop was worse than before.

Mark was quick to pull their hands together to meet each other in the middle of the short distance separating them and hugged Donghyuck. He shushed him quietly and reminded him that he was here, he was with him. He could do nothing but to listen to the heartbreaking sobs, feeling ripped apart and blaming himself for not being there for him, _for not trying hard enough_ so Donghyuck did not have to go through hard things alone.

 

They both moved to Donghyuck’s bedroom after. Mark kept hugging Donghyuck tight as the younger chose to go mute. They laid in bed right next to each other, one of Donghyuck's hand gripped onto Mark's shirt tightly while the other was playing with the buttons. He looked so fragile and sad and Mark could not keep his eyes away.

"Sleep," Mark whispered after a very long silence, "I'll be here when you wake up."

Donghyuck stared into his eyes hesitantly. "Promise?" he asked softly.

Mark nodded.  _Of course he'll be here,_ and even if the world was falling apart right outside the window, he would be the first person Donghyuck see the next time he opened his eyes. So he pulled him close to his chest, keeping his mouth on the crown of his head as he combed his hair with his fingers and closed his own eyes to rest.

Let them be selfish at least just for the night.

 

Mark woke up before dawn to the sound of someone banging door. Donghyuck looked very comfortable in his arms, the most peaceful expression Mark ever saw him, but he really had to get to that door before the person breaking it down.

Seo Jaemin, some other guy Mark did not recognize, and the guy whose Mark remembered as Lee Jeno, the friend he saw back in their school in Seoul, stood outside the door. Jaemin looked surprised at Mark before he cursed and pushed Mark inside, both Jeno and their other friend following and closed the door behind them.

“Are you crazy?” Jaemin hissed when they reached the living room, “Why did you open the door? If it’s Youngho hyung’s people or any of our relatives, you’d be dead by now!”

Mark only stared at the three of them quietly. The third guy threw himself onto the couch, covering his eyes with his arm tiredly. Jeno stood awkwardly behind Jaemin and waved casually at Mark.

“You probably know Jaemin,” Jeno nodded towards Jaemin, “and that’s Huang Renjun.”

Renjun lifted his free arm to send a lazy wave at Mark.

Jaemin, though, was still throwing daggers with his eyes at Mark. “Where’s Donghyuck?”

Mark pointed at the closed door of the bedroom. “He cried himself to sleep. I figured he needs some good rest after what happened.”

“And, _what happened_?” Jaemin interrogated, there was a hint of accusation in his tone, like he felt Mark would hurt his cousin or had any intention to.

Mark shrugged nonchalantly, did not sway under Jaemin’s hard gaze. He understood that all the Seos deserved to be very cautious around the Lees after what their grandfather did; he would have done the same. It was his job to prove he was never going to hurt Donghyuck.

“We met at the festival last night,” Mark looked at Jeno for a second that made Jaemin turned at his friend too, “and we went back here because he was scared someone might see us together. We talked for a bit and he just started crying, I don't—”

Jaemin looked at Mark again, and Mark thought he was imagining things, but he saw the way the Seo deflated softly at his confused face. “He may not tell you a lot of things, but you know he’s not in his right mind now, right?” At that, Mark nodded. “Good, because you’re not seeing him again,” Jaemin said with finality as he passed Mark towards the bedroom.

Mark felt panic at the thought of someone would take Donghyuck away from him again, especially not after his promise to be there when Donghyuck woke up, he was not going to betray the younger's feeling again. But it was Jeno who stopped Jaemin.

“He needs him, Jaem,” Jeno begged, “don’t turn blind on him like the rest of your family.”

Jaemin turned to Jeno. “You don’t know anything about our family, Lee Jeno. Stay out of this.”

“I did!” Jeno laughed cynically, “Remember where it got him? The hospital, Jaem, either from suicide attempts or all the beatings. So, yeah, I’m not gonna stay out of this anymore when one of my best friends is suffering.”

 “Don’t say ‘one of my best friends’ when it’s obviously only _Donghyuck_ that you mean, Jen.”

 Jeno turned away with a scoff. “Of course, you’d go there.”

Mark saw Renjun sat up slowly from the corner of his eyes like it was already his time to step in.

“We agreed not to have a conversation about this anymore, Jaemin,” Renjun warned calmly as he stood up, “you know what Jeno said is true. If it’s any one of us, we all would’ve wanted nothing but the best either, just like how we only want the best for Donghyuck right now.”

“Oh, so him wanting the best for Donghyuck now is by feeding him to this guy?” Jaemin pointed at Mark, “I’m sorry for what I said, I know we all want the best for him cause I want that too. I just want us to think things through!” Jaemin stopped and sighed heavily, looking frantic, “Getting abused by his Dad is one thing. Being together with a Lee is another thing. Youngho and Dongyoung hyung can protect him from his father, but if any of them ever finds out they’re both together right now—not only _this Lee_ will be dead, Donghyuck might get hurt too.”

“Jaem, calm down,” Renjun stepped closer to his friend slowly.

“I can’t calm down!” Jaemin almost yelled, “I don’t honestly care about some stupid family war as long as Hyuck’s happy, but this is the one rule none of us can break, and I just don’t want him to get killed because of it, because of _him_!”

There was a stunned silence and so many questions went through Mark's mind but he knew it was not time to ask yet, and it all broke down when the door to the master bedroom opened abruptly. Jaemin stiffened, closing his eyes in defeat, all trace of anger left and turned into despair as he slowly looked to face Donghyuck.

“Hey, Jaem,” Donghyuck greeted sadly, no doubt he listened to the fight, as he leaned against the doorframe lazily.

“Hey,” Jaemin replied, before walking to Donghyuck and enveloped him in a hug, “I’m so sorry, Hyuck, I’m so sorry you had to hear that,” Jaemin said shakily, obviously on the brink of tears.

Donghyuck only hummed, hugging his cousin back and resting his chin on Jaemin's shoulder. “I’m sorry too. Were you worried last night?” Jaemin nodded against the crook of his neck, and Donghyuck looked at Mark, “I’m safe, Jaeminie, don’t worry.”

“I know,” Jaemin whispered, “but I can’t help it.”

“Let’s just go back home today,” Donghyuck said.

Jaemin pulled away, looking at Donghyuck intensely. “What?”

Donghyuck shook his head like he wanted to finish the whole conversation already. “I just thought you would prefer that after last night.”

“Yes, but—“

“I want to be alone with Jaemin, guys, do you mind?” Donghyuck requested softly.

Jeno and Renjun nodded understandingly and were ready to leave them as requested, but Mark stood his ground. “I’m not letting you go again this time. I promised I’ll be here, Hyuck.”

“I know,” Donghyuck let Jaemin go and walked closer to Mark, putting one of his hands on Mark’s cheek. He looked painfully calm while Mark tried his hardest not to let his panic got to him, funnily the role changed from last night because now Mark was the one who was frantic. “I know you are, but let it be this time.”

“What can guarantee you to come back to me?” Mark whispered, closing his eyes desperately, “I’m scared that if I leave now, I’ll never see you again.”

“Hyung,” Donghyuck’s forehead met Mark’s in the most intimate way that Mark did not want to let go, he wanted to stay like this, “if it’s meant to be, we’ll find each other again. But, right now, I just don’t want you to get hurt. You don’t know what my family can do to you. So, please, _please_ go with Jeno and Renjun. They’ll help you back to your cousin’s place.”

Mark sighed, trying to understand where Donghyuck was coming from. He really did. He kissed Donghyuck’s forehead and waited for any sign he had crossed the line since they just found each other again in less than a day. When Donghyuck did not pull away, Mark let his lips lingered there as he continued. “Promise you won’t give up on me? I don't want to miss anything anymore.”

Donghyuck nodded. He did not say the word back and Mark hoped it was enough.

They stayed in that position for a few more moments. Mark pulled away although both of his hands sneaked up to cup Donghyuck’s cheeks. His thumb rubbed the scar on the younger’s eyelid, wanting to ask where it came from but he could only hope it was simply from an innocent accident children had during playtime. The way Donghyuck’s eyes fluttering close in comfort, the way he bit his lip, the way he deeply breathed in Mark’s scent as if he wanted to remember Mark the same as Mark wanted to capture him the best he could in his mind—

 _Oh Mark was falling in too deep and too fast_ _._

How could someone love so easily, how could someone be so easy to love. With Donghyuck, it was proven to be possible. Despite all their flaws and the pieces of heart shattered everywhere asking to be fixed, Mark loved everything about him, wanted to be as close as possible to admire his beauty and his heart and to never let go again. He promised himself to fight, to never give up, because if he did, where could Donghyuck hold on to?

“You have to go now,” Donghyuck whispered.

Mark nodded quietly and backed away to get his jacket and stuff from the coffee table. He gave Donghyuck one last look before walking away to follow Renjun.

 _Don’t give up on me_ , he prayed, _because I’m not giving up on you too, not in this life or the next._

 

It was almost hilarious how careful Renjun and Jeno were as the three of them walked out of the hotel. Renjun did not let him walk in front of them and every time they met a corner, he stopped to look out first. Jeno said Youngho’s people might make a surprise appearance whenever Donghyuck went away without any of his brothers. It was almost suffocating to imagine.

They all got into what Mark assumed as Jeno's car safely, seeing how the younger automatically sat on the driver seat after unlocking the door. Renjun shoved Mark into the passenger seat and bent down to look at Jeno through the door.

"You're not coming?" Jeno asked, pushing start button of the car.

Renjun shook his head tiredly. "Had too much drama for the day, I'll just go back to my room to rest. Who knows that idiot, Seo Jaemin, will probably need me later," Renjun sighed then looked down at Mark with something Mark could not really read before going back to look at his friend, "take care, Jen, call me if you need anything."

"Yeah," Jeno nodded and Renjun closed the door, cue for him to start driving away.

Jeno was kind enough to drive Mark back to Yuta’s place though no other words were exchanged other than the offer itself. They almost arrived when Mark suddenly asked to pull over and Jeno agreed wordlessly as he drove to the side of the road and stopped the car.

They were awkwardly silent for a moment, too lost in their own thoughts, and Jeno was the one who broke the tension.

"So," he started, "I know you have a lot of questions in your mind."

Mark nodded, biting the inside of his mouth. "Obviously."

Jeno sighed heavily and leaned back against his headrest, closing his eyes tiredly. "He lost his mother just a few months after you left."

Mark turned his head to look at the side of Jeno's face in shock. "Auntie—?"

Jeno scoffed and opened his eyes to look back into Mark's eyes. "It always makes me jealous whenever someone talks like they know her before because I didn't. She was a big part of Hyuck's life and things started going bad after her passing," Jeno looked to the front and stared at the sun starting to rise, the first light of the day, "based on what Jaemin told me, his father's never really fond of him."

Mark nodded carefully. Most of the time when they were kids, Seo Minjae was rarely at home when Mark came to visit, but he remembered the cold shoulder he gave to his youngest son whenever the man was around. Donghyuck used to be an affectionate child because his mother would hug him when he was upset of something his father did to him or the hurtful words thrown at him. Mark remembered all the achievements, the effort Donghyuck was putting in all aspect of his life just to be as bright and successful as his two brothers so he could get the same recognition from his father. Did not matter if the whole world was down on their knees for Donghyuck, it all would still be meaningless because Seo Minjae would always think of Donghyuck not doing good enough.

"It was his first birthday after you left and his brothers were away for school so he only had his mother to celebrate it with. Some drunk driver hit their car when they were out together and she died on scene. After that, his father started blaming him for even the slightest stupid mistake Donghyuck did, punishing him for not doing as best as his brothers at school. It was the worst two years in Donghyuck's life according to Jaemin," Jeno shook his head as he went through the memories, "but things got better when Youngho hyung graduated and came back home. Renjun and I were already familiar with the Seos at the time he found out their father hit Donghyuck. It was a mess. We couldn't see Donghyuck for nearly three months because Youngho hyung sent him to London to stay with Dongyoung hyung until his father promised to get his emotion in check every time he's around Donghyuck."

"It's a relief," Mark sighed and continued when Jeno looked at him questioningly, "I'm glad his brothers can protect him now."

Jeno chuckled cynically. "I wouldn't say _'protect him now'_ cause that old man still hates Hyuck and always finds away to hurt him physically or verbally. But, at least, if the hyungs find out about it, they're not afraid to go berserk," Jeno was silent for a moment as if he was thinking hard, "and, there's you, the small fault that would change them all."

"What do you mean?"

"Jaemin's so afraid about you and Donghyuck being in touch again because you are the only reason his brothers won't stop that asshole killing Donghyuck.  _Man_ , the Seos hate your family, I don't know how, but it's like Donghyuck is the only one who isn't brainwashed with the hates. And if they find out about this meeting, Youngho hyung will stay blind eyes even if their father hits Hyuck right in front of him," Jeno looked at Mark again and leaned forward to emphasize his words, "cause that's the one mistake no Seo can do and it's _unforgivable_."

"But then you let Hyuck to make that mistake. Why?"

"Because he has been killing himself," Jeno whispered quietly as if he spoke loudly, it all would come true, "I found him overdosing in the school's toilet once and everyone was so confused for the first time why the happy-go-lucky kid who looks like he has the perfect life tried to take his own life. A few months later, Jaemin found him standing on Mapo bridge in the middle of the night, ready to jump, and had to fight him off. And, now, every time I close my eyes, I see him slicing his own arm. Every time Jaemin can't keep contact with him, he cries and Renjun always goes around the city, looks at the highest place just to hope not to see him there. _He's killing himself, Mark Lee,_ and I-" Jeno took a sharp breath before continuing, "I may have done something terrible by letting you see him, but even if it's just for a small sincere smile and a will for him to keep going, I'll give my life for you two. I just—I don't know what else to do!"

Mark opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out, and Jeno turned his head to the other side to hide the emotion swimming in his eyes, the tears threatening to fall. And Mark could feel it from the way the younger spoke, Jeno must had loved Donghyuck so much. All Jeno wanted was to protect Donghyuck and to make him smile, but Donghyuck was too caught up with the memories of Mark Lee, the only person that would only bring pain into his life. 

"What about you and Donghyuck?”

Jeno looked back at him with a slight surprise, but then he maintained his composure back. “What do you mean?”

“You like him, right?”

Jeno scoffed before closing his eyes tiredly. “‘Like’ is an understatement.”

“You love him,” Mark concluded, “is that why you care so much about him?”

“I care because he's my best friend, I'd do the same if it's Jaemin or Renjun in his shoes. Maybe with Donghyuck, I do more than I should as a friend,” Jeno chuckled sadly, "but I just want him to be happy."

“You can make him happier than me.”

Jeno's sad eyes were gone in a split second as he forced a bright smile. “But I’m not you, I'm not his Lee Minhyung."

“Does he know?”

Jeno nodded, not losing his bright smile. “I think he does. _I know_ he does. And I guess we both just decided on our own not to bring it up. I’ll lose him the moment I admit it to him and he knows he can never give what I want, so I don’t want to force him. I realized that when you love someone, you want nothing more than his happiness, even when you have to live competing against a ghost,” he sighed heavily, burying something painful deep inside, “and you’re not a ghost anymore, Mark Lee. You exist. Though it’s even more painful for me to know you exist, I still want nothing but the best for him.”

“I don’t want you to feel bad for me,” Jeno patted Mark’s arm casually after a moment of silence between them, “I just want you to know that there’s this guy,” he pointed at himself, “who believes you’re the happiness of the love of his life,” he tried to say it lightly, but Mark knew he meant it, “so if you ever hurt him, I’ll make sure to find you first before the Seos.”

Jeno did not give Mark another chance to reply as he started the car again and turned on the radio loudly before started driving again to Yuta's place.

Once the arrived, Mark got off the car and started walking towards the front door. But after only a few steps, he turned around and knocked on the window until Jeno lowered it from inside.

"Thanks," Mark said with a small smile, "for taking care of him."

Jeno nodded. "Sure."

"I think if the story is different, that my family and Donghyuck's aren't enemies and I met you under better circumstances, we'd be great friends."

Jeno smiled softly. "I think so too."

 

“Oh, you’re back,” Yuta casually greeted as Mark just closed the front door behind him softly. His cousin came out of the kitchen with a glass of water. “Another few hours without news, I’ll turn Aomori upside down to find you. Text me next time, will you?”

Mark rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, lost track of time.”

“I’m sure you did,” Yuta chuckled, then he looked at Mark thoughtfully, “is everything okay with him?”

“I’m not sure your definition of ‘okay’.”

“Right. It’ll never be okay as long as you’re still Lee Minhyung and he’s Seo Donghyuck,” Yuta agreed sadly.

Mark hummed. “I wish I was born as someone else.”

“But you’re not,” Yuta smiled, “you’re not and you better work with what you have.”

 

Mark received a call late at night that day, when he was already half-asleep, tired from the whole emotional ride of the past two days. He looked at the caller ID and frowned when it was Jeno’s name. The thought of something happen after he left ran through his mind and he quickly answered the call.

“Lee Jeno? Is Donghyuck okay?”

The line was silent for a moment that Mark could only hear his own loud heartbeat.

_“Hey, it’s me.”_

“Donghyuck?” Mark was shocked when he heard the younger’s voice, but he let out a sigh of relief, at least he knew Donghyuck was okay. “Are you okay? Where are you?”

_“I’m with the guys, we’re on our way to the airport.”_

“So soon?” Mark could not hide the disappointment in his voice.

Donghyuck chuckled. _“Unfortunately yeah. Never missed a day of the festival before. Really like it here. But, it’s best for me to not be in the same place as you.”_

“I’m sorry.”

_“Why?”_

Mark closed his eyes regretfully. “Because of me, you can’t spend your favorite festival to the fullest.”

Donghyuck laughed softly, there was a trace of sadness and Mark imagined Donghyuck already shed another tear. He really could not stop making Donghyuck cry, did he? _“Don’t be ridiculous. Although I was so scared to see you, it was one of my best nights, even more than the nights I spent to see the festival.”_

“Really?”

 _“Yes,”_ Donghyuck sighed heavily, _“was calling to give you a proper good bye.”_

“Good bye?”

 _“A see you soon,”_ Donghyuck corrected himself, _“I want to see you again too, but we’ll never know what will happen in the future. I’ll try though.”_

“Promise?"

Donghyuck hummed softly. " _I'll try,_ " he repeated.

"That's good enough for me."

_“Thank you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!! I'm back after nearly a year! 2019 sucked for me honestly but I've been trying to be more positive now this year, especially after my birthday a few weeks ago. I miss this story so much and I was trying to get back a lot of the times but my depression blocked me. Now here I am. Actually wrote most of the plot since the beginning, but I need to go through everything from the beginning and that's what takes a long time.
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos! That'll motivate me. Until I see you again!


	3. Felicity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Sun and moon, a reminder that we will forever be two worlds apart in this life. Congratulations. I think I love you too.”_

Mark was so giddy ever since he received a message from Jeno that the younger had set up a perfect excuse for Donghyuck to come to his house for the weekend, so Mark could Skype him and talk. Talk. Their first form of communication after Aomori which had passed a few weeks ago.

Mark was giddy, Mark was happy, Mark was excited. He could not wait to see Donghyuck again, as if everything had finally fallen into pieces. He came from being lost, not knowing how to reach out to Donghyuck, to have getting ready for a few hours of another catching up session.

Jeno said he would be online around eleven in the morning Seoul time, and it was like almost ten in the evening for Mark in New York. But he did not mind of the thirteen hours different, _no_ , as long as he got to see Donghyuck again. He had been online from the afternoon and kept checking Jeno’s account to see if the other guy had online or not.

When the little sign next to Jeno’s name turned to green, Mark was quick to press the button to connect. And, Donghyuck’s face showed on his laptop screen.

“ _Hi?_ ” Donghyuck asked hesitantly, trying to search on the screen, “ _Hy-hyung? Minhyung hyung? Can you see me?_ ”

Mark was too stunned at the person in the screen in front of him that he froze for a while, but Donghyuck’s call brought him back. “Yes! I’m here!” he answered, “Sorry I froze.”

Donghyuck giggled shyly and Mark loved the feeling in his chest. “ _Why did you freeze?_ ”

Mark chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I don’t know, guess just can’t believe I get to see you again.”

There was a sound of someone scoffing from the other side and Mark saw the way Donghyuck turned his glare slightly to the person out of the frame but in the same room as him. “ _Sorry, Jaemin’s here._ ”

Mark nodded, understanding how the other Seo must had freaked out over the idea of Donghyuck reconnecting again with Mark even only through the internet. “Tell him I say hi.”

“ _Minhyung hyung says hi, Jaem,_ ” Donghyuck said to the other guy and there was a brief moment of silence as Donghyuck frowned at Jaemin as if the other was signing something to him, before he shook his head and turned his attention back to Mark with a bright smile, “ _Jaemin said hi too, but let’s just ignore him now._ ”

Mark hummed in agreement and smiled. “How are you?”

 

Slowly, the video call became an easy routine for them; Donghyuck would go to Jeno or Renjun’s house for a visit or a sleepover on the weekend, an excuse for Mark to call and talk while the younger was with his friends. It was too risky to do it in Donghyuck’s house or Jaemin’s because the Seos might track the line. The call was the only communication they both had with each other.

They talked for a few hours almost every weekend about many things, like how was Donghyuck’s first week as medical student, and about his two best friends Renjun and Jeno who got Jaemin whined loudly in jealousy, Mark then would tell Donghyuck about his life in New York, and Donghyuck asked him how it felt like to live in a fast paced city. Mark introduced Lucas to Donghyuck when his housemate was up and Lucas would talk to Donghyuck occasionally whenever Mark left for a glass of coffee or water or other things. Sometimes, they did not really talk and just enjoy each other’s presence while doing their own things, like homework or gaming or watching a movie together through shared screen.

They started with easy topics and slowly gained enough trust for each other to talk about deeper things. At one point, Donghyuck finally told Mark about everything Jeno told him in Aomori, about his father and the disappointment that he thought he deserved, about his two brothers who loved him so much, about his late mother and his memories of her. Mark then would share about his life after Seoul and his relationship with his parents, and maybe he could not compare his life with Donghyuck’s as he seemed to have it easier, but the younger would disagree.

Some days, Donghyuck was the cheeky boy Mark remembered him as, and Mark was so glad there was a trace of something familiar to him inside his childhood friend. During these days, Donghyuck would tease him over the smallest things and he would show off about his singing skill while Mark played the guitar. But, other days, Donghyuck became a reserved boy who looked like he was forced to be there to talk with Mark.

One time, Mark received a text from Jeno, asking him to go online as soon as possible because Donghyuck was asking for him. Mark was in class and begged Jeno to hold on for an hour until he finished it and finally ran back to his apartment. Lucas watched in confusion as Mark barged in only to slam his bedroom door open and connect his laptop so quick.

Once he was online, Donghyuck called him right away. Mark saw a tired looking Donghyuck with a hint of sadness and guilt, but there was a smile on his face when he saw Mark.

“ _Were you in class?_ ” Donghyuck asked.

Mark noticed the way he still had his bag slung over one of his shoulders and he shrugged it off. “Yeah, but it was almost done. I came home straight away. What’s up? Jeno said you wanted to see me?” Mark frowned, “What time is it there?”

Donghyuck looked up before looking back down to Mark. “ _Almost 2 in the morning,_ ” he answered softly.

Mark was worried. All their calls were always planned and on the weekend. This difference might be because of something. “Where are you? Are you safe?”

Donghyuck nodded slowly. “ _I asked Jeno to come pick me up from my house. I’m glad his parents are never home,_ ” he said, smiling apologetically at someone out of the frame, “ _he said hi, by the way._ ”

“Hi to you too, Jen.”

Donghyuck turned back to Jeno and muttered quietly for the other to go back to sleep, before putting his earphone on.

“What’s going on, Hyuck?” Mark repeated his question.

Donghyuck shook his head and the motion made a tear fell down. Mark realized he must had held it in for a while. “ _You know I had my piano recital last weekend, right?_ ” he looked expectantly at Mark and when the older nodded, he continued, “ _Dad never came to any of my recitals but he always knew how I did. My brothers are out of town tonight and Dad just came back yesterday, and he just—“_  he looked hesitant to continue and Mark did not want to push, Mark wanted him to continue according to his own pace, “ _we had a_ discussion _about it. It didn’t end well._ ”

“What did he do?” Mark asked lowly.

Donghyuck wiped his tears off as he tried to remain strong with a smile. “ _Doesn’t matter. I just can’t be there tonight. So I asked Jeno to come. I haven’t even told Jaemin because he’ll freak out like always. And, I just wanted to talk to you. You always calm me down, hyung._ ”

Mark did not know he should feel flattered at Donghyuck’s way of him bringing calm or plan a riot against the Seos for not taking care of Donghyuck the way they should. “Can’t you just give me your number or something? So you can text me whenever you need me?”

The pianist’s lips trembled. “ _No, the less you know a way for us to contact each other, the better. This is okay. I’m happy like this._ ”

Mark had to admit it hurt a little. Though he understood Donghyuck’s intention, it sounded like Donghyuck wanted nothing to do with Mark.

“ _Will you help me sleep?_ ”

Mark smiled softly. “Of course. Lay down now,” he said and watched Donghyuck positioned himself and the laptop, Mark could see Jeno’s figure in the background, “are you comfortable?” Donghyuck nodded sleepily, and so Mark started, “Okay, you must know a little about the story called Thumbelina. A long long time ago and far, far away, an old woman was sitting…”

Mark only stopped the story when Donghyuck was breathing deeply, the screen was showing him Donghyuck’s peaceful face as he slept through the bad things in his life for the night and to only have tomorrow’s misfortune waiting for him again. Mark hoped he could reach out through the screen and keep him close, protect him, treasure him, and wipe away all the negative thoughts the world had cultivated in his pure soul.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Mark was close to being 23 when his world truly started to fall apart._

Mark’s hidden _relationship_ with Donghyuck lasted for over three years. It was a surprise they could hold on without someone finding out. The ones who knew about that night in Aomori and the rest of the story was Yuta, Lucas, Jaemin, Jeno, and Renjun. He trusted these people with his life, though Jaemin still hated him with everything he got.

_“Is it him again?”_ A sharp voice came when Mark was talking to Donghyuck one weekend.

Mark saw Donghyuck laying on Jeno’s bed alone through the laptop screen and looking up to the newcomer who Mark could not see but knew from the heated voice. Donghyuck only nodded sheepishly and bit his bottom lip, before looking back to Mark.

“Hi, Jaem,” Mark greeted nonchalantly with a lazy smile on his face, too busy observing Donghyuck’s beautiful feature, and it obviously annoyed Jaemin so much as he only grunted back in response.

“He still hates me, doesn’t he?” Mark smiled teasingly and Donghyuck replied with a scowl.

_“You always tease him, of course he’s gonna hate you.”_

Mark laughed, laying down comfortably on his side on the couch, his hand under his head. “Under any other circumstances, I think I’d get along with all three of them.”

Donghyuck hummed. _“Jaemin and Jeno are a few of the kindest, friendliest people I know, and Renjun might look ignorant, but he is loyal and cares a lot about people around him. Wish things can be different,”_ he said wishfully.

“Hey, one day, we’ll work it out, I promise,” Mark assured him, a string in his heart was pulled. _When will that day come, Mark Lee? Who are you lying to? You can’t keep promising the world when you’re barely able to give him a day of peace._

_“Where’s Lucas hyung?”_ Donghyuck asked, changing the subject as to not make any more tension grew with the usual sad conversation.

Mark looked around the living room of his and Lucas’s shared apartment. “He has stuff to settle for graduation I think, haven’t seen him all day either.”

Mark and Lucas finished college just in time and were only waiting for graduation. When Mark received his final grade, the first person he called was Jeno. The younger was at university which thankfully was the same as Donghyuck’s, and Mark heard Jeno ran all the way from his building to Donghyuck’s, literally barged into Donghyuck’s lab based on the story, only to give the phone. That was the first time Donghyuck ever talked to Mark outside the safety of Jeno or Renjun’s room. Donghyuck cried, but they were happy tears, and said he really wanted to hug Mark at that time. The longing feeling was tugging so hard, wishing they both could share happy moments like these together.

_“When is it?”_ Donghyuck asked all of the sudden.

Mark sat up. “September,” he answered without a beat, “you can come—I mean, if you’re comfortable.”

Donghyuck laughed, shaking his head. _“Silly. What is a Seo going to do at Lee’s college graduation?”_

“Support his best friend like a normal person would?” Mark replied. Deep down he also knew it would never happen, not in his wildest dream.

Donghyuck looked back at him dreamily, and suddenly Mark hated the distance more than ever, he hated the whole situation more than anything, hated that both him and Donghyuck had to suffer over their families’ selfishness, hated that he fell in love _so very easily, so very badly, and so very deeply_ with Donghyuck even that it was only through the screen and brief meetings when Gods were on their side.

_“You know that would never happen, hyung, sorry,”_ Donghyuck smiled sadly.

_But, no,_ Mark thought, _you’re not the one supposed to be apologizing, not you, never you._ “Let’s just focus on your favorite festival, then.”

Donghyuck bit his lower lip again, a sign that Mark had learned the past years whenever Donghyuck was anxious about something, and meeting Mark in person always made him feel anxious.

After almost a year of video call, Mark started to come out with the idea of meeting Donghyuck in person. At first, Donghyuck was against it, said it was too risky for them to be in the same place together at the same time and how Aomori was just a one-time luck. The timing was right as it was almost the time for Donghyuck’s favorite festival, and so Mark started to plan out about the meeting, would discuss it with Jeno as he knew a lot of things about the Seos. Once he presented the plan and idea to Donghyuck, the younger hesitated but eventually agreed after much assurance, and their next tough job was to convince Jaemin. Jaemin came up with so many rules and Mark wanted to sneer, but he knew how much Jaemin’s permission, and probably blessing, meant for Donghyuck, so he went with the rules as long as Donghyuck was also comfortable.

After attending his second Nebuta Matsuri and was able to spend the night together with Donghyuck two years in a row, Mark got braver and Donghyuck got more relaxed. So, they started to occasionally met in secret, like when Mark was on a vacation to Singapore with his cousins, Donghyuck visited him for just a night. They always planned it out well and the moment they were together had been the best time they both ever had, but the worries never left Donghyuck—and Mark too, but he would not admit it out loud in front of Donghyuck, not when Donghyuck was the one needed assurance the most.

_“Just one night, right, hyung?”_ Donghyuck confirmed. The one-night policy was one of the rules Jaemin set.

_“Just one night, Hyuck. Just one night,” Jaemin said with a heavy heart, full of fear for his cousin._

“Just one night,” Mark assured him, burying his disappointment deep in his heart. It was better than nothing at all.

 

Mark arrived in Tokyo with Jungwoo and Jaehyun by the time the festival reached its last day. Yuta was picking them up at the airport to drive them to Aomori.

The street was already packed and full with people in the afternoon. Mark loved that crowd, maybe because they were celebrating Donghyuck’s favorite festival, or maybe because Mark always had a great time there, either from falling even more in love with Donghyuck or with the festival itself. But, he was pretty sure the smile bloomed on Donghyuck’s face as he watched the floats lit up the streets was the first out of many reasons he loved that city. Mark could only see that smile from the distance and Donghyuck never knew how close he was, how Mark stalked him and adored him from afar as the younger adored the festival. Donghyuck never knew, and he never asked, until they were safe inside the hotel room, courtesy to Jaemin’s other rules.

_Just one night. And you can only be alone with him in a private place._

Just like the past two, everything was planned perfectly and the scenario was almost always the same; Donghyuck, Jaemin, Renjun, and Jeno were set to leave Japan the next morning after the festival, while Mark was going to spend another two weeks there to travel the country. The only window of time they would be together in the same place was the last day of the festival.

Unfortunately, his brother and all his cousins, except for Yuta, had been wondering why Mark suddenly grew interest in these festivals as this would be the fourth year Mark visited the city. So, Jungwoo and Jaehyun wanted to come to see the festival themselves. At first, Mark was against it, but Yuta said that it was going to be suspicious if Mark did not let them to tag along. So it was decided that they were going to spend their annual vacation together in Japan. Jaehyun and Jungwoo would come together with Mark, and Taeyong and Jisung were supposed to arrive at Tokyo the next day, exactly an hour after Donghyuck’s flight back to Seoul.

Everything was set. Mark was going to disappear in the middle of the parade while Yuta distracted both Jungwoo and Jaehyun. Yuta was sure he could hold their cousins back to give Mark time to spend the night with Donghyuck. Mark was too excited and giddy at the thought, the last time he met Donghyuck was at the beginning of last winter in Hong Kong with an excuse of visiting Lucas for Mark and vacation with Renjun’s family for Donghyuck.

“Woah,” Jungwoo was mesmerized by the floats and the dance, “look at that big one there!” Jungwoo pointed out at the crowd at the back to Jaehyun.

They both were on their toes in wonder, Mark almost felt guilty for lying to them. Despite the real beauty of the festival, Mark was here for something else, someone that Jungwoo and Jaehyun would never agree of.

“Can we go there?” Jungwoo asked to Yuta.

Yuta raised his eyebrows in fake interest and nodded. He gave Mark a signal before nudging Jaehyun to walk in front of him with Jungwoo who already a few steps forward from them on his own. And, with that, Mark so easily slipped into the crowd, walking the opposite way of where his cousins were going and excusing himself in broken Japanese every time he bumped into someone.

He remembered the city like the back of his hand already and knew exactly Donghyuck’s favorite spot. It was near the park the first time Mark met the younger there and calmed him down. Donghyuck would occasionally buy food and eat there with his friends, and when the floats were nearing the area, he jumped up to approach the crowd. Mark would only settle from across the street, watching Donghyuck’s eyes glowed happily, the lights were reflected and making him even more beautiful. Sometimes Donghyuck danced around with Renjun and Jeno. Mark liked his view the best.

From far, Jeno caught Mark’s eyes when the parade was passing them by; it was almost scary to Mark how Jeno, Renjun, and Jaemin were always aware of him while Donghyuck stayed oblivious. Jeno acknowledged Mark with a nod and Mark winked back teasingly, the younger looked away with a scoff. After the small heartfelt talk about Jeno’s love to Donghyuck, instead of getting possessive and jealous, Mark somehow trusted the boy the most. He liked to text him just to make small talk about Donghyuck’s wellbeing and Jeno always welcomed him with open arms.

Mark never let Donghyuck out of his sight even for once, but when one of the biggest floats passed by in between them, he could not help but to lose sight of him. He strained his neck to get a glimpse of Donghyuck in the gap between the structure, his smile bloomed happily at just the thought of seeing the younger boy even just a little. What caught his attention when the floats passed them by was Donghyuck’s panic expression at someone who just approached him and his friends, who Mark’s mind automatically identified as one of the brothers, Dongyoung, and when Mark dragged his eyes towards Jeno, he caught the boy’s eyes again, but this time there was terror.

Mark was about to move away just to get clearer vision when a hand clamped his mouth shut as he was dragged away forcefully.

 

Mark braced himself for another kick to his stomach, and when it came, he felt like flying so high from the impact. He spitted blood out, stars on his eyes. He did not know how long had it been since he was dragged away from the crowd and into this dirty alley to receive punches and kicks nor how much longer could he hold on before passing out. The concept of time seemed unthinkable when he was on the brink of consciousness as his body turned numb. Maybe it was hours later when the attacks stopped at the voice of someone commanding. Mark really could not tell anymore.

“Enough.”

As his vision grew darker at the edge, he was still able to hear the person’s steps getting closer to him and saw this person crouched down next to his head through his blurred eyes. Only at that time, he realized— _oh,_ he was lying on one of his arms that felt like broken already.

_Seo Dongyoung_ , he thought, praising himself for still able to recognize him through his pain.

The person laughed. “That’s right. It’s me.”

Mark was too late to realize that he actually spoke the name out loud, not so much praising himself for holding on now.

Dongyoung plopped down onto the ground; Mark was almost amazed at the fact that the older Seo was ignoring the dirt on the ground. “Wow,” he sighed, “I have to say I admire your bravery.”

Mark wanted to retort back a ‘thank you’, but his tongue felt heavy in his mouth, so he just stared.

“Donghyuck and Jaemin are obedient. Both Renjun and Jeno’s families are our most trusted partners, pretty sure their parents warned them not to cross the line if they don’t want to lose any opportunity with the Seos,” he shrugged, “so what did you do? How long has this been going on? Following my little brother around, _are you crazy, Lee?_ ” Dongyoung chuckled, “Which part of staying away from Donghyuck did you not understand?”

For a second, Mark thought Dongyoung had softened, that Mark might have a chance to get out of here without something worse than what he had now, that Mark’s determination might get him a blessing from Dongyoung. _Silly hyung_ , Mark imagined Donghyuck saying those two words in his ears as he laid there on the ground.

“I used to like the little you, Minhyung-ah,” he said softly, reminiscing the time he spent with Mark when they were kids although it was not a lot, “and maybe I still do. You always knew what you want and you were always so consistent to the point of being stubborn, like now. It’s frustrating but also amazing and admirable. I always wish my little brother can find someone who put up a fight for him after everything he’s endured, someone with your persistent,” he shook his head in disbelief, “but it doesn’t matter, because it’ll never be you, it will never be _a Lee_. So, here’s my advice to you; stop dreaming and move on, for your own sake and, especially, for Donghyuck’s, because I swear to God, if something happens to my little brother because of _you_ , because they find him _with you_ , I will find you and every single one of your family to rip you apart.”

Mark knew his heart was in pieces for a long time, that three years of being in touch with Donghyuck was not even able to fix it just yet. He needed to have the younger boy in his arms without having to live in fear for his heart to be healed again. This time, the statement that ‘ _it’ll never be you_ ’ from Donghyuck’s brother whom the younger claimed loved him very much was like a stab to Mark’s already wounded heart. He knew he did not deserve Donghyuck, but knowing him all over again; he _tried_ to be deserving of Seo Donghyuck, he did. Ironically, whatever he did would never be enough for the Seos.

“You should be grateful I’m the one who found out instead of my big brother, cause if he did, you’d be dead by now,” Dongyoung stood up, stretching his stiff back for a bit. “I made sure your older cousins know how to find you. Hopefully when they reach this place, it won’t be too late for you,” Dongyoung nodded toward the leader of the group that attacked Mark and they all started to move back to leave the alley, “consider this as a simple warning, Lee Minhyung. _Please_ just get it to your head, because I won’t be so forgiving the next time,” he said with finality and walked away too.

Mark struggled to sit up on his own after a while, after making sure that he was left alone, and leaned back against the wall. It hurt like hell, but he heaved a sigh and tried to stand up, only to fall back down. He leaned back again and stared at where the alley began, wishing for Yuta to come through to save him.

He looked down to find his phone next to him with its broken screen. The clock showed it was only fifteen minutes before the time he was supposed to meet Donghyuck. Then, behind the clock was a message from Jeno from 20 minutes before.

 

**From: Lee Jeno**

Dongyoung hyung is here, but now he left to do something.

Where are you? Hyuck’s freaking out.

**19.24 PM**

Are you save?

I hope when Dongyoung hyung said he’s taking care of something, it didn’t mean you.

**19.28 PM**

Please reply. Hyuck’s crying so bad.

**19.35 PM**

Hyuck doesn’t want to see you. You better not come to the hotel.

**20.23 PM**

Yuta picked up his phone even before the first ring finished. “Where are you?” he asked breathlessly, as if he was running.

Mark winced. “I don’t know. They just dragged me somewhere.”

“Send me your location,” he said curtly, no room for a joke.

Mark agreed and hung up the phone to send his current location to Yuta. In less than five minutes, his older cousin ran up to him and crouched down in front of him to observe the damage. Mark did not waste more time as he once again tried to stand up, Yuta’s arm was immediately around his back to support him.

“Mark, wait—“

“I need to go see Donghyuck,” he said stubbornly, finally able to stand on his two feet though, one hand on the wall next to him for a support while the other gripped around Yuta’s shoulder tightly.

“No, we’re going to the hospital,” Yuta gritted as they both walked to the exit of the alley.

Mark suddenly pulled away from Yuta and leaned onto the wall fully on his side,  watching his cousin with a hard glare. “No,” he insisted coldly, “I need to see him.”

“Donghyuck’s brother is here in the same city as us. He’s not stupid enough to let his little brother to meet you! They’re probably now somewhere leaving the city.”

“I told him I’ll see him tonight!” Mark argued back, patting himself on the back for still having the energy to fight Yuta, “Even if he doesn’t come, at least I’m still holding on to my words that I’ll find him at the place we agreed on.”

“Mark, what do you gain from being stubborn?” Yuta softened, “You’re in a bad shape because of his brother. Taeyong’s coming tomorrow morning and that’s the thing you should be worried about.”

“I love him,” Mark blurted out, ignoring the shock in Yuta’s face because it never felt this easy to talk about love for him, “hyung, I love him so much, and even if I have to go through this over and over again just to prove my love for him, I don’t regret it at all.”

“You’re crazy,” Yuta shook his head, scoffing as he looked to the end of the alley. He took a deep breath and looked back at Mark. “If he’s not there, we’re going to the hospital. That’s final.”

Mark agreed quickly because honestly, his arm was killing him, but he just needed to make sure.

Thankfully, Yuta came with his car. Mark did not ask where Jaehyun and Jungwoo, Yuta did not explain anyway.

Yuta drove Mark to the hotel that Jeno had informed him before and with the help of his cousin, Mark made his way to the room. As he got in front of the room, he pressed the bell impatiently and kept doing it for almost twenty minutes, hoping Donghyuck was just falling asleep inside. But, when no one answered him, he placed his forehead onto the door and closed his eyes, willing his tears to not fall. He had been expecting this meeting and to end up in this situation killing him.

“I was going to tell him I love him tonight,” Mark pulled away from the door, looking into the peephole, hoping Donghyuck was on the other side of the door watching him, “I want to tell him I love him, so much, and everything came so easy to me, since we were kids and now, and I wonder if he loves me as easily too. I want him to know that I’ll do anything to be with him, doesn’t matter what it is because these wounds may hurt, but the thought od losing him hurts even more. I want him to know that I’m not giving up on him again, not this time, not when I’m this close to him. And I want him not to give up on me too,” Mark closed his eyes and the tears finally fell down, “please, don’t give up on me, I promise I will find you again,” he whispered it like a prayer.

“Mark, come on,” Yuta tugged his elbow softly, forcefully dragged Mark away from the door.

And for the last time, Mark looked down onto the gap between the door and the floor, and he saw the shadow behind the door moved. He just wished the message was delivered to the correct person inside the room.

 

Taeyong was sitting down on the cheap hospital chair next to Mark’s bed, while Jaehyun standing up and fuming in front of it and Yuta sitting on the couch tiredly. Mark ignored his brother and his two cousins in the room as he stared emptily out of the window.

“Are you really not speaking to me, Mark?” Taeyong said calmly, “Is this a recurring thing going on? Going to Japan to visit Seo Donghyuck?” Taeyong turned sharply to Yuta, “Do you know about this all along and you supported him?” he asked accusingly.

“Yes—“

“Leave Yuta hyung out of this,” Mark finally spoke.

“Oh, he speaks,” Jaehyun scorned, “thank God his dislocated shoulder didn’t take away his ability to speak.”

“Stop being an asshole, Jaehyun,” Yuta scolded.

“Excuse me for being an _asshole_ cousin who’s just worried about his own dumb cousin and his safety,” Jaehyun retorted, “I don’t know about you, hyung, but if Mark ever comes to me and tells me he wants to kill himself, I’d at least stop him.”

“Now, you see why he didn’t come to you,” Yuta replied.

Jaehyun scoffed. “Why? Because I want him live?”

“Because he’s only looking for happiness and you can’t see that!” Yuta yelled.

Jaehyun was definitely ignited by the attitude and he stepped forwards as he spoke louder and louder. “Which part does it from this whole dramatic situation give him happiness?!”

“That’s enough!” Taeyong roared to break up the fight, and he was about to say more when Mark spoke again.

“I love him.”

Taeyong and Jaehyun turned to the youngest in the room, while Yuta sighed heavily and leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes.

“No, you don’t,” Jaehyun responded.

“I do!” Mark suddenly cried, tears steadily falling down on his cheeks like a kid throwing petulant tantrum, “He has this habit of biting his lip whenever he’s anxious. He laughs differently according to his mood, when he’s tired, when he’s happy, when’s sad—but he always only wants to show his positive smile to me when I know more than his act. He recently started opening up to me, he told me things, _he trusts me_. And, do you know he’s been abused most of his life and he’s not the cheeky boy I used to know anymore? He’s now this shy boy who’s always wondering if he even deserves to ask for something. And, I’m sad that he’s changed, I blame myself for his changes, but I also love him for who he is now,” Mark shook his head, “you don’t sacrifice your life willingly if you don’t love someone this much that it hurts, hyung,” Mark looked up into Jaehyun’s eyes, “so you don’t get to tell me I don’t love him or I don’t know what I feel for him. You don’t.”

Taeyong was caught off guard by the sudden raw emotion flowing out of his little brother and his confession. He knew Mark treasured his friendship with Donghyuck and the incident when they were young left a huge wound in his heart to the point of trauma. But, Taeyong never knew how much Donghyuck held place in his heart.

“Hey,” Taeyong held Mark’s hand, “hey, it’s okay. We’ll get through this, Mark. You have us,” he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a while to calm his own self down before being Mark’s rock in this hard time, and once Taeyong was sure he was not going to be the one having mental breakdown, he continued, “we started on the wrong foot. I guess, I—I did something that doesn’t let you trust your own brother, and I want to fix it. I’m sorry. Please, let me in. I’ll help you get through this.”

Mark squeezed his eyes shut as he shook his head frantically. “You’re going to make me stay away from him. That’s what everyone keeps doing this whole time. Y-you only want to know your own side, you don’t care about my side! About _our_ side!”

“I,” Taeyong started slowly, making sure Mark understood every single one of the word and the message he was about to convey from his heart to the brother he treasured so much, “want nothing but the best for you. And, I promise you—I promise this time, I’ll try not to take sides. I’ll try to be that person you can trust, the person you can lean on,” he looked up and around the room, to both Jaehyun and Yuta who Taeyong knew were on his side too this time, “we all are learning and trying to be those people for you. This time, we’ll do it together.”

Mark, through his eyes that held so many untold stories and emotions, looked into Taeyong’s own, and for the first time, none of the two brothers felt lost.

 

September came like a blur; Mark did not know if he should be grateful about it or curse at it. Days went by uneventful, spent most of them in his room, doing research on the things he wanted to do after graduation.

And, none of those days were spent without wondering how Donghyuck was.

Mark tried to text Jeno once, but the message did not go through. He tried again for the second time a few weeks later and the result was the same, and he knew he met a dead end. Jeno was the only person connecting Mark to Donghyuck. He only knew Jeno’s number, Jeno’s Skype account, and then nothing else other than informations he could search publicly, such as school.

So, he spent the days doing something more for himself. Lucas said maybe that was the purpose of this situation, because then Mark got to think about his future. His best friend then apologized for his words, knowing how much Mark was hurt about this condition, about not knowing if Donghyuck was okay, if Dongyoung told Youngho and their family about the incident in Aomori and if Donghyuck had to taste the consequences of Mark’s stubbornness and carelessness.

Graduation was happening in a blink of an eye. Suddenly, all his cousins arrived in New York to attend and celebrate it. His parents had been smothering him with so many gifts, although his mother was the only one who could attend while his father was needed back in Seoul on his big day. Mark was not hoping too much anyway, so no hard feelings.

“I’m so proud of you!” his mother said happily when they greeted Mark in the park right outside the auditorium of where his graduation was held.

Mark had been trying to be more civil with his parents, like coming home for the weekend, attending lunches and dinners without a fight and in his best behavior, and his mother was the happiest Mark had seen in the past 10 years. He should be feeling great for putting that sincere happy smile back on, but, really, he was numb. And, he wanted to ask if she heard, if she knew, _if she cared_ , that her own best friend passed away years ago from a terrible car accident. He wondered if she felt guilty at all for leaving her. But, Mark did not want to start another fight, did not want to open another wound, he would only act like he was having the best time of his life at the moment.

_Lies._

“Mom, you have to catch the flight now,” Taeyong reminded her softly.

She looked down onto her wrist, where a delicate watch which was an anniversary gift from his father was perched on. She huffed cutely, and Mark maybe missed her just a little. “You’re right,” she looked at Mark, “I’m so sorry I have to leave early. You go have fun with your cousins and brother, okay?”

Mark nodded with a small smile and let her kissed him one more time before she kissed Taeyong and bid good bye to the rest of his cousins.

They talked more outside, enjoying the wind and sun at the same time. Mark seemed happier and more relaxed after his mother left, but still, they all thought he was a different person going back into his cave of feelings.

“Hey,” Lucas smoothly slid into the space between Jaehyun and Jungwoo to face the red haired guy, and everyone else was already laughing at the scene, “thanks for coming to my graduation.”

Jungwoo rolled his eyes. “I’m here for Mark actually. You just keep dreaming about me, alright, sweetheart?”

Jaehyun and Yuta laughed loudly at the sassy reply of their little cousin.

“Yeah, but,” Lucas slyly pulled his certificate up to show off, “this dreamer is an engineer now.”

“Well, _engineer_ ,” Jungwoo turned a little to face Lucas, “the certificate’s nothing new. This handsome cousin of mine, Lee Jaehyun, is also an engineer. So, you’re no special,” he whispered the last part.

Lucas grinned brightly, his hands holding the certificate slowly went down. “Right, okay, you still hate me, I get that,” he said lightly, but Jungwoo’s face turned to panic, “I’m borrowing your cousin for a bit,” he said before dragging Mark away from the group.

“What the hell, man?” Mark asked, trying to keep up.

Lucas sighed, face turned serious suddenly. “I met a new friend,” he said, losing the playful side which usually accompanied him, “and I can give it to you later, but he wants to make sure you have this so I gotta give it to you while he’s still around.”

“What—“

Lucas shoved a small present to Mark’s hands and then turned his face to the shaded part of the park. Mark looked down to the present and then followed Lucas’s gaze only to find a slightly hooded person standing under a tree.

Huang Renjun gave Mark a simple nod before looking to the side and finally turned around to leave.

 

Mark had not opened the present. He was too afraid it would hurt his feelings more. And, so he busied himself with packing and cleaning up the apartment. And so he let it stare back at him from where it was placed on the table, still wrapped up so nicely with a broken white paper and a blue ribbon.

Lucas already left right after graduation to go back to Hong Kong for a while with his family, but he would be returning soon because he landed a great internship program in New York and had officially bought the apartment to himself though he promised to keep Mark’s room for him anytime he needed to go back there. Based on his family’s knowledge, Mark was going back to Vancouver the next day with Taeyong for the time being since he was still looking for a whole lot better opportunity than working for the family’s company.

“Knock, know,” Taeyong said, taking Mark out of his own thoughts while folding his clothes.

Mark turned around slightly to find his brother already halfway in. “I’m almost done with my stuff,” he smiled to his older brother.

Taeyong looked around the room. “And it looks like you’re just coming back home for a holiday,” he commented because a lot of stuff was still in place.

“Yeah,” Mark chuckled, putting the last of his clothes into the suitcase and zipped it, “this apartment is my sanctuary with Lucas. That’s why he bought it, so we can always come back here whenever we need to,” he turned to face Taeyong who already sat on his bed, “I’m not really leaving this place.”

Mark walked to sit next to Taeyong, and Taeyong put his hand on Mark’s thigh, squeezing it slightly.

“I’m proud of you,” Taeyong said.

“I need to tell you something,” Mark blurted out, before the opportunity was gone. When Taeyong nodded for him to continue, he did, “You know Dad offered me to help with the law department in our US’s office, right?”

Taeyong nodded again patiently. He had been learning to listen more and Mark appreciated him for the effort.

“And I refused,” Mark continued and Taeyong only kept nodding silently, “because I got into this great new hired program in one of the best law firms I know. And, the good thing is, it’s one of our company’s legal consultants, so I talked to Dad and he allowed me to go.”

Taeyong smiled. “That’s nice,” he said softly, “that you talk to Dad a lot these days.”

Mark only hummed nervously.

“And, I support you,” Taeyong said after, “whatever you think is great for you. You know, I always support you, right?”

“Even if that means I’m going back to Seoul?”

“What?” Taeyong spluttered, “Mark, are you sure?”

Mark nodded again. “This law firm is in Seoul and they’re the legal consultant for our Asian market.”

“Dad is okay with this?” Taeyong tried to hold back a shriek, Mark could see that.

“Yes, he’s okay with me going back to Seoul,” Mark finally looked into Taeyong’s eyes, “because there’s you. And, Jaehyun should have told you by now, but he’s also joining our company in Seoul.”

“Y-yeah. Yeah, he told me and I still can’t figure out how anyone is able to convince him, and then this—,” Taeyong spoke frantically, “is this because of him?”

“Partially, yes,” Mark answered honestly, “I know it’s not fair that he’s one of the biggest reasons I’m considering this offer. But I also miss Seoul, hyung. It’s my home too, it’s where I belong—where _we all_ belong. I dream of the day Jisung is able to live in Seoul without fear and with love and care of his parents. I wish to grow old there, close to you, close to where grandmother was buried, close to everyone I care about.”

Taeyong was looking at nothing, as if he was thinking hard about this, but Mark could see the fear in his eyes.

“You said we started on the wrong foot and you want to start over again, remember? You said you’ll try to be that person I can lean on to. You said you want nothing but the best for me. And, so I need you here with me,” Mark begged, “this is me starting over, this is me opening up to you. I need you to do your part, to support me, to see me fall and help me back up again. _This_ is the part of you wanting nothing but the best for me; to let me learn and face my own consequences. _Hyung—_ “ Mark whispered the call brokenly, so broken that Taeyong looked at him sadly, “hyung, I’m not stupid, I’m not dumb, I know what I’m dealing. Let me do this and get hurt so I can find it out myself. Please.”

Taeyong’s hand reach out to wipe off the single tear that was able to fall from Mark’s eyes. “You’re not stupid,” he laughed wetly, “you’re just a careless idiot most of the time and I’m worried. Of course I’ll always be worried and overprotective, because I didn’t do enough to help you when you had a hard time leaving Seoul.”

“What are you talking about? You were the only one there for me—“

Taeyong shook his head and pulled Mark into a hug. “I should have done something more to stop them, then maybe you wouldn’t get hurt now, maybe you and Donghyuck would be happy now.”

And, Mark admitted how much it hurt, how tough it was, how scary everything was, but he knew that Taeyong always would always have his back.

 

The night before his flight to Seoul from Vancouver, Mark braved himself for the worst; he unwrapped the small box carefully, afraid to make a mess.

It was a small black velvet box and when he opened it, there were two gold pins; one was the sun, and the other was the moon, and both were connected with a gold hoop.  

The small note said, “ _Sun and moon, a reminder that we will forever be two worlds apart in this life. Congratulations. I think I love you too._ ”

 

Moving into his new 1-bedroom apartment—hand-picked by Taeyong himself just a few floors above his own in the most secured and secluded high-end neighborhood in Seoul, had been nothing but nerve-wrecking. The last time Mark was there with his cousins, he was surrounded with familiar things to make everything easier for him; his cousins, accommodation owned by his own family, assigned drivers and cars. This time though, he was on his own. Yes, he had his brother with him and Jaehyun would be arriving in less than a week as well, and Mark was glad to have them around, but it felt like he was starting new life in a foreign place which should had been his home, the closest place to his heart.

Taeyong took a few days off to help him settle down. Mark realized his brother had some of his burden lifted off of his shoulders ever since their grandfather passed away. He still had his worries about the future and the past, but he seemed lees tensed.

“So, what do you say about going out and have drink together tonight?” Taeyong asked while unpacking one of the boxes.

Mark looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “First of all, your alcohol tolerance kinda sucks—“

“So does yours.”

“And, second of all, who are you and what have you done to my brother?”

Taeyong chuckled lightly. “Different Lee Taeyong here, and I’ve been teaching myself to let loose a little.”

“And I like it,” Mark nodded proudly.

And so they both spent the night out, having dinner together and then moved to a small bar in one of Seoul’s most luxurious hotels, celebrating Mark’s first night back home. They talked about so many things, joked around and had fun, and Mark tried to remember when was the last time he went out to have quality time with his brother.

“Honestly speaking though,” Taeyong slightly slurred and Mark laughed at the sight of only two empty glasses of Whiskey and his brother was already incoherent, “I’m glad you’re here now. And Jaehyun will be too soon. So, I’m not very lonely anymore.”

Mark was about to reply when he heard a very loud “Hey!” like someone was about to start a fight.

Taeyong looked behind him and Mark followed his gaze. When his brother found eyes with one of the men, sitting across from them who looked at them with a smirk and surrounded by a few of his friends, he cursed. Mark remembered the face clearly despite the toxic running in his blood now. How could he forget the face of the man who got Donghyuck so freaked out, the face of the man Donghyuck also treasured the most, the face of Seo Youngho.

“Lee is not welcomed here!” the guy who yelled the first time continued to sneer at them, “Especially when there are two.”

Taeyong looked at Mark with a smile he hoped would calm his little brother before looking back at the other group. “Last time I checked, this building isn’t owned by you, Kim,” Taeyong retorted calmly, somehow able to hide the fact of how tipsy he was.

Kim laughed. “Haven’t you heard?” he tilted his head slightly toward Youngho, “Johnny bought this place recently.”

Taeyong nodded his head. “Ah, so he’s a dog now,” Taeyong muttered to himself quietly, but somehow Kim could hear it.

“What did you say?!” Kim asked, taking a few steps toward Taeyong.

“I said,” Taeyong stood up, “you’re a dog now, huh? Only listening to your owner.”

Kim looked to Youngho as if asking for his permission, and when Youngho shrugged, Kim took more steps forward. He held his chin up and scoffed in front of Taeyong’s face. “But you’re the stray crazy dog, Lee, got kicked out on the street.”

The next second was a blur to Mark as Kim threw a punch at his brother and Taeyong fought back, and somehow both Taeyong and Mark were outnumbered and thrown through the back door. Mark was grateful they both did not have it as bad as he was back in Aomori with Dongyoung’s people.

Taeyong and Mark laid on his back, trying to catch their breath, as Youngho and his friends stood in front of them.

Youngho looked down in disgust at them and chuckled cynically. “So, I heard there would be two other stray kids coming back in town to accompany their pitiful leader. I see one is already here,” Youngho mocked as he squatted down in between the two brothers, bringing the exact memory of the night Mark met Dongyoung in Japan with him on the ground in pain and Dongyoung sitting next to him in ease— _does it always have to be like this with the Seos_ , Mark wondered.

“The warning still stands, Lee Minhyung,” Youngho continued, “I know my brother is losing his mind over the fact that you’re here in Seoul now, but if I ever see you come close to him,” Youngho laughed, “you’re dead.”

Taeyong and Mark both stayed on the ground when they all had left them alone, swallowing the silence surrounding them for a moment and trying to catch their breath at the same time. Then, Taeyong chuckled and attempted to sit up slightly, one elbow holding his upper body.

“Well there goes my favorite bar in town, bought by some douchebag," Taeyong sighed tiredly, trying to take the situation lightly for Mark, a much different version of Lee Taeyong he used to know. Then he glanced down at his younger brother, "Do you still love him despite that douchebag being his brother?” he asked and when Mark looked at him, there was a small meaningful smile on his face.

Mark nodded. “Always. I’ll take the risk.”

“Alright,” Taeyong groaned, struggling to stand up on his two feet and once he was able, he continued, “welcome back to Seoul, little bro,” he said, starting to walk out of the dark alley.

Mark turned his eyes from his brother’s retreating back and up to the sky. The stars were all twinkling bright with no sight of clouds, he wished Donghyuck was out tonight so he could look at them too. He must had loved the pretty sky so much, the same sky Mark was looking at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you I'm trying to be more consistent! I hope you like this chapter. We're now halfway into the story, my baby probably will be finished in a few more chapters. Working hard to update it this weekend because my laptop's charger is broken and I don't know when I'll be able to write comfortably. I'll try to update with my phone/ipad for the next chapter. Enjoy!


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